A little levity, courtesy mostly of TWC antics.

[digitaldahling]

Local writer expresses his opinions.

http://www.al.com/food/mobileregister/d ... xml&coll=3

[Agua]

Requires registration after the first page

[clfenwi]

Requires registration after the first page

Hmm they don't let 105 year old people view the second page... it's ok if you are 100 (i.e. birth year 1905)

[beachbum_al]

Register? Go to http://www.al.com

And then to the link above. It will make you do something like this.

year born, zip code, female/male and then puts a nice cookie on your computer. But that is the only way I have found to get in to my local paper here.

[HurryKane]

You can always try http://bugmenot.com to bypass registration at many sites. I love that thing.

[digitaldahling]

Is it acceptable here to cut and paste newspaper articles in their entirety?

[Pebbles]

Is it acceptable here to cut and paste newspaper articles in their entirety?

Are you not allowed to do that if you state where the article is coming from?

[digitaldahling]

Don't know. If it's not permissible, someone can delete it. I think the article is pretty funny and right on target.

Life inside the cone of stupidity
Sunday, July 17, 2005

The relatively long run-up to the landfall of Hurricane Dennis was good for those of us who boarded up, stocked up and stayed for the duration.

It gave us plenty of time to stock the freezer and fill up the generator for what we feared was going to be a nasty storm.

But the lengthy lead-in also proved to be a problem for the army of correspondents, reporters and other on-air television personalities who showed up to make their names on this storm. It proved that eventually, everybody runs out of things to say.

Even the most ardent motormouth finds it hard to come up with pithy, blithe or even especially salient things to say after spending the better part of two days standing in the rain with a microphone in his hand.

Don't get me wrong: I'm glad they were here, braving the high winds and flying signs to make sure that I was informed every time a shingle blew off of a motel in Pensacola. Better them than me, I say.

And by and large, these intrepid reporters (and anchors back in the studio) did yeoman's work to show us the fury that is a Category 4 hurricane. But after hour 20 of the storm team coverage, it became clear they were running out of things to say.

"It's really getting bad down here on (name your favorite stretch of beach), Bob. The wind is really starting to pick up and if you can see over my shoulder the whitecaps are getting really heavy now. I'll throw it over to my colleague in (name your favorite grocery store), where food is flying off the shelves as desperate residents brace for Hurricane Dennis."

And I watched every minute of it, lapping up all the tired aphorisms and bromides like a Wal-Mart shopper buying bags of ice.

But enough is enough. To that end, I've come up with a short list of phrases that ought to once and for all be stricken from the official Hurricane Reporter's Handbook. It also includes my own personal translation of what they really mean.

"We're here preparing for the worst, hoping for the best."

Translation: "We bought up all the beer we could find and, at this point, we just hope we don't run out of ice before we run out of beer."

"At this point, everyone should shelter in place."

Translation: "Stay where you are because the shelters are full and nobody has any ice left anywhere in the county."

"We're here in the cone of uncertainty as we watch this storm head north."

Translation: "We have a pretty good idea where this storm is heading but we don't want to speculate because we may be wrong and that would be bad for our careers."

"This storm is beyond anything we can imagine."

Translation: "At this point in my career I expected to be working at "Access Hollywood" and not standing on Pensacola Beach looking to interview pimply-faced teens trying to body-surf."

"The animals seem to have an innate ability to know when bad weather is approaching."

Translation: "Where did all the sharks go that were here last week?"

"Now is not the time to figure out how to run a generator or use a chainsaw."

Translation: "I have trouble with an electric hair dryer but it makes me feel better to warn you about the dangers of operating heavy machinery in the rain."

"Folks, this is a storm we all need to take very seriously."

Translation: "I wish I'd listened to my parents and majored in something -- anything -- other than journalism, because between you and me, I'd rather be anywhere than staring down a Category 4 hurricane."

"This beach would normally be crowded with vacationers and people having fun, but now it's deserted."

Translation: "I bet I can get a deal on a condo for the weekend."

"We'll transmit from this location until conditions deterioriate so much that it's no longer safe for our crew."

Translation: "We'll leave when they close the bar."

(Contact David Holloway at P.O. Box 2488, Mobile, AL 36652 or call 219-5682. Send e-mail to dholloway@mobileregister.com.)


http://www.al.com/food/mobileregister/d ... xml&coll=3

[Agua]

Cute.