Church Picnic = Social Opportunities (NOT!)

[Guest]

<<<< RANT MODE ON >>>> Last night, I gave it a shot to attend the first "Summer Picnics" session for my 18-30s church group, Terra-Nova. I was thinking maybe social opportunities would abound. After spending an HOUR finding their reserved area of a medium to large park in central Omaha, about 25 minutes from my suburban home, I almost gave up. That is until I finally saw some familiar people.

I exited my vehicle after parking and NO ONE greeted me (as others were also heading to the park grounds). This is a church group, again!! I spent an HOUR at the event, and decided to take off. It was pathetic. Not ONE person was interested in chatting with me. (I attend the group's services on Sunday night.) They all were in there little IN groups. I guess I am an outlier! Oh, well.
I did not want to waste my time with these folks. <<<< RANT MODE OFF

[Miss Mary]

Awww Brian. That's hard. Next time can you bring someone with you? A fellow classmate looking to make new friends too? Or better yet, bring a killer dish to share? Something that will wow everyone....I have a really good taco dip recipe, if you like to cook. Not cheap to make though, I know you're in school. But one scoop of it and you will amaze people! Especially the girls - they'll be impressed you made it.

You need a hook - like I said a dish. Or a game/activity. Bring a cornhole game!!! It's a huge bean bag toss game right now, but it's regional I think. Probably never heard of it. Some say it started right here in Cincinnati.

How about a cooler full of water balloons? I don't know. You need that hook. Let's see what responses you get....

Mary

[Guest]

Thanks, Mary! Again, I only stay like an hour, and pretty much called it a day. I left early; I am trying to better my life a little, but I also don't want to be left "outside". Life is full of catch 22 situations. You can either not go and MAYBE miss out on opportunities, OR you can go and only be dissapointed.

[Skywatch_NC]

Brian,

So very sorry about you having gotten a cold reception, Wxbuddy.

Just don't know what's wrong with some peeps out there and their LACK of manners/social graces?!

If they only knew how great a guy you are and what a tremendous asset you are to all of us, Friend!!

I even have Asperger Syndrome (a social disorder) but do strive to still give someone a friendly handshake and hello, my name is ________ or hello, how are you doing? Received some much-needed help from an A.S. social club group I was a part of.

((((HUG))))

Eric

[Guest]

I will continue going to the group's service Sunday nights just because I LOVE working early and getting off at 3pm!

With church services, it is slightly different: it is not a social club. It is church!

But, yeah, obviously they were more interested in their "peeps", and all others can go the way of the do-do bird!

[Skywatch_NC]

That's how at times it seemed like in my church youth group that I grew up in while living in OH...some had their cliques and/or their significant other...and too *whatever* to have any time left for other group friends. My back then as yet undiagnosed A.S. probably just compounded my inability for great fellowship and interaction among the group...crowds and groups are another hurdle for Aspies to try to overcome...but those summer youth group bus trips and choir concerts were a real growth experience for me spiritually, emotionally and mentally!

Eric

[Guest]

And I thought this group of people would at least except the fact some people are different, are in different stages of life. BUT..........Nooooo.

The only thing differences between Emily and these folks is a church BUILDING and no smokers/drinkers!

[Miss Mary]

I still say you need to bring something to draw people to you Brian. Think! Do you like to play softball? If so bring a few gloves, a softball and bat. Or encourage others to bring theirs and you could strike up a softball game. It's a great way to break the ice getting to know other people.

When my oldest daughter was struggling making friends in 3rd Grade her teacher suggested she bring something to recess. To share with other girls, inviting them to play or hang out with her. What we came up with was a kit of sewing floss to make friendship bracelets. I just kept her stocked with different colors and the accessories she needed. Of course these bracelets were big back then, you're a guy so this is just an example I have for you. Nina had boys wanting to know how to make these bracelets too! No kidding. They were making them to use as bookmarks. LOL

But it did help her break the ice. Some people just need that reason to draw others in. I've alway been a little envious, in a good way, when someone doesn't need the hook or ice breaker. Their personality just draws them in. I was never this way. I tried finding friends who were this way, b/c they in turn draw you in, others in and before you know it, you're in a large group of friends. To this day, I'm still friends with the girl from HS that was this way. We still laugh at reunions how her face was plastered all over the yearbook. She'd even pop her head in another class' group shot and there are captions that say just that - Senior Jane barging in on Junior fun!

So either take something to the next picnic that will be a hit or find that friend like this. You won't be sorry!

Mary

[Guest]

Oddly, I forgot about another occurrence with a group called Campus Crusade for Christ, which meets on college/university campuses throughout the U.S. They did the exact same things (just kind of casually ignoring me, etc). I pulled my affiliation with them as well.

[gtalum]

Please do not take this as criticism, and consider it instead as friendly constructive advice.


One thing I've learned as a salesman, and this applies to all human interaction, is that if you hang backd and wait for people to come to you, you'll be waiting a long time with little to show for it. It's not enough to just show up and expect people to circle around you and start including you. Humans are very clique-oriented animals, by nature. You have to bust in and make an effort yourself, or no one will ever notice you're there. It's just a fact of life. And I know it's hard. I used to be extremely shy. But you have to force yourself to stride right up, put out your hand, and introduce yourself. It will take a few get-togethers before people truly accept you into their groups, but it will happen.

You can either not go and MAYBE miss out on opportunities, OR you can go and only be dissapointed.

Half of life is perception and attitude. This attitude will get you nowhere. The better way to look at it is 180 degrees opposite. Instead think "I can stay home and be certain of not meeting anyone, or I can get out there and have a good chance at making new friends".

[gtalum]

PS Mary's advice of having a "hook" of some sort is spot-on.

Having something to help break the ice will make meeting people go much more easily.

[Miss Mary]

Hook, spot-on (never heard this term before), whatever you want to call it helps break the ice. Determine the event and plan accordingly. Picnic - bring a dish to share, something that will be popular. Holiday party - wear a silly Santa hat. Once my father-in-law walked in wearing a Rololph pin, with a string. When you pulled the string, his nose lit up. Everyone said this was funny. This is just my FIL. Once he brought alone one of those singing fish wall decorations you hang up, only he propped in my kitchen. Next to the drinks. So when you reached over for the ice bucket, it started singing. He smirked as he walked by, every time. This is exactly what I meant by hook - a gimmick, an activity (softball equipment, cards - poker is huge right now), food to share (homemade choc chip cookies always go over well). Last Christmas we had an adult party. One friend of our walked in wearing a Santa hat (he is going bald though, so that's not a stretch) but also a funny Christmas sweater he got at the Goodwill. He kept announcing this as people would say - hey, cool sweater - I got this for 50 cents.....LOL

Hope we're helping Brian. Gtalum is right though, if you hang back waiting for others to come forward, you might end up sitting alone. Try saying hello first. People love to talk about themselves, ask them questions.....then listen well. Repeat their first name once or twice and you'll make friends.

Mary

PS - I just thought of another way to make friends. Pitch in and help. The person organizing the event will not turn down sincere help - collect garbage, help man the grill, tidy up the food table or replentish drinks, ice, snacks, etc. Afterwards they'll say how nice that young guy named Brian was to help out so much!

[Guest]

PS Mary's advice of having a "hook" of some sort is spot-on.

Having something to help break the ice will make meeting people go much more easily.

Maybe I just need to be myself, but kind of merge in a little. I must admit that, well...............looking at the latest GFS, weather forecast discussions, and the like is not necessarily the first thing most people do.

I can still have that hobby (I love it to death. ), but don't let it turn me into, for a lack of a better term, a nerd!

[gtalum]

not that there's anything wrong with being a nerd. I'm a nerd myself. Proud Georgia Tech grad.

[Guest]

This may take some guts, stemena, etc, but I may on Sunday night at church see if anyone would like to join me for a College World Series game next week. I have always wanted to do this. I am not to sure if I will have much luck, but it is worth a shot!

[Miss Mary]

This may take some guts, stemena, etc, but I may on Sunday night at church see if anyone would like to join me for a College World Series game next week. I have always wanted to do this. I am not to sure if I will have much luck, but it is worth a shot!

Sounds like a plan to me Brian! You just might find that others are interested in this WS game too. I wish you luck!

Mary

[Guest]

This may take some guts, stemena, etc, but I may on Sunday night at church see if anyone would like to join me for a College World Series game next week. I have always wanted to do this. I am not to sure if I will have much luck, but it is worth a shot!

I attempted to no avail. I guess I am not a very interesting person. Maybe it is just not for me? I have always had some trouble making friends. I am a nice guy and all, but I guess that does not count.

[Kelarie]

Now I know that isn't true, you aren't boring at all. I have learned alot of interesting facts about you from the "games" going on this board.

Pick yourself up by the bootstraps are try again, but maybe in a different forum. Does the school you go to have a journalism club? Is there a weather club? If so, try going to one of those events. You might find different results.

Just a few thoughts. Keep your head up and don't let it get you down, k?

[Skywatch_NC]

This may take some guts, stemena, etc, but I may on Sunday night at church see if anyone would like to join me for a College World Series game next week. I have always wanted to do this. I am not to sure if I will have much luck, but it is worth a shot!

I attempted to no avail. I guess I am not a very interesting person. Maybe it is just not for me? I have always had some trouble making friends. I am a nice guy and all, but I guess that does not count.

So sorry, Brian.

Bro, if I went to your church and I love baseball, too...I sure would have enjoyed a College World Series game with a Wxbuddy!

[Miss Mary]

Brian - so sorry to hear this too. Please keep trying! Don't give up....find your niche, it's out there. I like the idea of the Journalism Club. If your school doesn't have one, maybe you help get one started?

Mary