The Darwin Awards

[azskyman]

I really like number 7....

They're back - Darwin Awards 2004 -- Yes, it's that magical time of the year again when the
Darwin Awards are bestowed, honoring the least evolved among us.

Here then, are the glorious winners for 2004.

1. When his 38-caliber revolver failed to fire at his intended victim during a hold-up in Long Beach,
California, would be robber James Elliot did something that can only inspire wonder. He peered down
the barrel and tried the trigger again. This time it worked.....

And now, the honorable mentions:

2. The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a meat-cutting machine and, after a little hopping
around, submitted a claim to his insurance company. The company suspecting negligence sent out one of its
men to have a look for himself. He tried the machine and lost a finger. The chef's claim was approved.

3. A man who shoveled snow for two hours to clear a space for his car during a blizzard in Chicago
returned with his vehicle to find that a woman had taken the space. Understandably, he shot her.

4. After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus driver found that the 20 mental
patients he was supposed to be transporting from Harare to Bulawayo had escaped. Not wanting to
admit his incompetence, the driver went to a nearby bus stop and offered everyone waiting there a free
ride. He then delivered the passengers to the mental hospital, telling the staff that the patients were
very excitable and prone to bizarre fantasies. The deception wasn't discovered for 3 days.

5. An American teenager was in the hospital recovering from serious head wounds received from an
oncoming train. When asked how he received the injuries, the lad told police that he was simply trying to
see how close he could get his head to a moving train before he was hit.

6. A man walked into a UniMart, put a $20 bill on the counter, and asked for change. When the clerk
opened the cash drawer, the man pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which the clerk
promptly provided. The man took the cash from the clerk and fled, leaving the $20 bill on the counter.
The total amount of cash he got from the drawer...$15. (If someone points a gun at you and gives you
money, has a crime been committed?)

7. A thief burst into a Florida bank one day wearing a ski mask and carrying a gun. Aiming his gun at the
guard, the thief yelled, "FREEZE, MOTHER-STICKERS, THIS IS A **** UP!" For a moment,
everyone was silent. Then the sniggers started. The security guard completely lost it and doubled over laughing.
It probably saved his life, because he'd been about to draw his gun, and he couldn't possibly have drawn and fired
before the thief shot him. The thief ran away and is still at large. In memory of the event, the bank later
put a plaque on the wall engraved with the words, "Freeze, mother-stickers, this is a ****-up!"

8. Seems an Arkansas guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided that he'd just throw a
cinderblock through a liquor store window, grab some booze, and run. So he lifted the cinderblock and
heaved it over his head at the window. The cinderblock bounced back and hit the would-be thief on the
head, knocking him unconscious. The liquor store window was made of Plexiglas. The whole event was
caught on videotape.

9. As a female shopper exited a New York convenience store, a man grabbed her purse and ran. The
clerk called 911 immediately, and the woman was able to give them a detailed description of the
snatcher. Within minutes, the police apprehended the snatcher. They put him in the car and drove back
to the store. The thief was then taken out of the car and told to stand there for a positive ID. To which
he replied, "Yes, officer, that's her. That's the lady I stole the purse from."

10. The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked into a Burger King in Ypsilanti,
Michigan, at 5 a.m., flashed a gun, and demanded cash. The clerk turned him down because he said he
couldn't open the cash register without a food order. When the man ordered onion rings, the clerk said
they weren't available for breakfast. The man, frustrated, walked away.

A 5-STAR STUPIDITY AWARD WINNER!

11. When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor home parked on a Seattle street, he got
much more than he bargained for. Police arrived at the scene to find a very sick man curled up next to a
motor home near spilled sewage. A police spokesman said that the man admitted to trying to steal
gasoline and plugged his siphon hose into the motor home's sewage tank by mistake. The owner of the
vehicle declined to press charges, saying that it was the best laugh he'd ever had.

[LaPlaceFF]

Bump

[Brent]

[WindRunner]

The Darwins are always the best stories about people being dumb you can find. If anyone enjoys reading about people doing other stuff like this, I know they have at least two good-sized books out with stories like these in them.

[arkess7]

[Stephanie]

#4, 7 & 11 are my favorites!

[Skywatch_NC]

Eric

[TexasStooge]

[DaylilyDawn]

I know a few people I would like to nominate for the Darwin awards.