Sending old men to war

[j]

I got this few minutes ago and got a good chuckle out of it. I'm sure some of you old guys can relate:

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Sending Old Men To War

If I could, I'd enlist today and help my country track down those responsible for killing thousands of innocent people in New York City and Washington, DC.

But, I'm over 60 now and the Armed Forces say I'm too old to track down terrorists. You can't be older than 35 to join the military. They've got the whole thing backwards. Instead of sending 18-year-olds off to fight, they ought to take us old guys. You shouldn't be able to join until you're at least 35.

For starters: Researchers say 18-year-olds think about sex every 10 seconds. Old guys only think about sex a couple of times a day, leaving us more than 28,000 additional seconds per day to concentrate on the enemy.

Young guys haven't lived long enough to be! cranky, and a cranky soldier is a dangerous soldier. If we can't kill the enemy we'll complain them into submission. "My back hurts!" "I'm hungry!" "Where's the remote control?"

An 18-year-old hasn't had a legal beer yet and you shouldn'! t go to war until you're at least old enough to legally drink. An average old guy, on the other hand, has consumed 126,000 gallons of beer by the time he's 35 and a jaunt through the desert heat with a backpack and M-60 would do wonders for the old beer belly.

An 18-year-old doesn't like to get up before 10 a.m. Old guys get up early (to pee).

If old guys are captured, we couldn't spill the beans because we'd probably forget w! here we put them. In fact, name, rank, and serial number would be a re al brainteaser.

Boot camp would actually be easier for old guys. We're used to getting screamed and yelled at and we actually like soft food. We've also developed a deep appreciation for guns and rifles. We like them almost better than naps.

They could lighten up on the obstacle course, however. I've been in combat and didn't see a single 20-foot wall with rope hanging over the side, nor did I ever do any pushups after training! . I can hear the Drill Sergeant now, "Get down and give me...er... uhmm... uuhh... One."

The running part is kind of a waste of energy. I've never seen anyone outrun a bullet.

An 18-year-old has the whole world ahead of him. He's still learning to shave, to actually carry on a conversation, to wear pants without the top of the butt crack showing and the boxer shorts sticking out, to learn that a pierced tongue catches food par! ticles, and that a 200-watt speaker in the back seat of a Honda Accord can rupture an eardrum.

All great reasons to keep our sons at home and to learn a little more about life before sending them off to a possible death.

Let us old guys track down those dirty rotten cowards. The last thing the enemy would want to see right now is a couple of million old farts with attitudes.

Share this with your senior friends.

[azskyman]

I'll be 58 next month, and there is much truth in those words.

Those who are older should also be those who educate the young...for the life experience is real by then....not textbook.

We would be easier to catch, for sure, but more cunning in avoiding that opportunity. And what would they do to us in a prison? They certainly wouldn't make us go naked. Doing so would not only scare away the prison guards, but it would surely make them sick!!

And they would quit asking, "Would you rather die for your country than tell us your secrets?" The body count would grow and they would learn nothing at all in the process.

In the end they would see the folly of their ways and retreat to some cave where they would babble for years about their years dealing with older Americans.

[Guest]

LOL J, you made me chuckle.
...Jennifer...

[Pburgh]

j, that's terrific!!!!! and soooooo true.

[streetsoldier]

If I thought for a second that they could make use of me again, I'd race you all to the recruiting station.

[Arizwx]

I'd be in 'Lock Step' with you Bill.