PET DIARIES UNCOVERED
As seen in a dog's diary:
8am -- Oh Boy! Dog food! My favorite!
9am -- Oh Boy! A car ride! My favorite!
10am - Oh Boy! A walk! My favorite!
11am - Oh Boy! A car ride! My favorite!
Noon - Oh Boy! The kids! My favorite!
1pm -- Oh Boy! The yard! My favorite!
3pm -- Oh Boy! The kids! My favorite!
4pm -- Oh Boy! Dog food! My favorite!
5pm -- Oh Boy! Mom! My favorite!
7pm -- Oh Boy! Playing ball! My favorite!
9pm -- Oh Boy! Sleeping in master's bed! My favorite!
As seen in a cat's diary:
Day 183 of my captivity...
My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little
dangling objects.
They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am forced to eat
dry cereal.
The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of
escape and the mild satisfaction I get from
ruining the occasional piece of furniture.
Tomorrow I may eat another house plant.
Today my attempt to kill my captors by weaving
around their feet while they were walking almost
succeeded -- must try this at the top of the stairs.
In an attempt to disgust and repulse these vile oppressors,
I once again induced myself to vomit on their favorite
chair - must try this on their bed.
Decapitated a mouse and brought them the
headless body in an attempt to make them aware
of what I am capable of and to try to strike fear
into their hearts. They only cooed and condescended
about what a good little cat I was. Hmmm, not working
according to plan.
There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices.
I was placed in solitary throughout the event.
However, I could hear the noise and
smell the food. More importantly I overheard that
my confinement was due to MY power of "allergies."
Must learn more about what this is and
how to use it to my advantage.
I am convinced the other captives are flunkies,
or, more likely, snitches.
The dog is routinely released and seems more
than happy to return. He is obviously a half-wit.
The bird, on the other hand, has got to be an
informant and speaks with them regularly. I am certain
he reports my every move. Due to his current
placement in the metal room, for now his safety is assured.
But I can wait - it is only a matter of time...
