How To Talk To Kids About War

[Amanzi]

How To Talk To Kids About War
Parents Can Ease Fears By Reassuring Children
The idea of war is scary for everyone -- but especially for children. Often kids' fears are overshadowed by other parental concerns.

To help parents deal with children's uncertainty and fears following Sept. 11th, and the current environment of possible war and terrorist reprisals, the national children's crisis charity KidsPeace has compiled tips for talking to children.

KidsPeace and clinical experts at more than 50 centers across the country suggest that America's parents do the following:


Listen to children. Allow them to express their concerns and fears.

Regardless of age, the most important issue is to reassure children of safety and security. Tell children that you, their schools, their friends and their communities are all focused on their safety and they will be protected by those around them. Have discussions about those dedicated to protecting us all, like police, firefighters, etc.

When discussing the events with younger children, the amount of information shared should be limited to some basic facts. Use words meaningful to them (not words like terrorist, retribution, etc.). Share with them that some bad people have used violence to hurt innocent people in the United States. Discuss that we don't know exactly by whom or why this was done, but violence has occurred. Do not go into specific details.

School-aged children will ask, "Can bad things happen here, or to me?" Do not lie to children. Share that it is highly unlikely that anything like this will happen to them or in their community. Then reiterate how safe and protected they are by all those around them.

Parents, caregivers and teachers should be cautious of permitting young children to watch or listen to news about carnage. It is too difficult for most of them to process. Personal discussions are the best way to share information with this group. Also, plan to discuss this many times over the coming weeks. Ongoing reassurance is critical to children.

When discussing the events with preteens and teens, more detail is appropriate, and many will already have seen news broadcasts. Do not let them focus too much on graphic details. Rather, elicit their feelings and concerns and focus your discussions on what they share with you. Be careful of how much media they are exposed to. Talk directly with them about the tragedy and answer their questions truthfully.

Although this group is more mature, do not forget to reassure them of their safety and your efforts to protect them. Regardless of age, kids must hear this message.

Be on the lookout for physical symptoms of anxiety that children may demonstrate. They may be a sign that a child, although not directly discussing the tragedy, is very troubled by today's events. Talk more directly to children who exhibit these signs:
Headaches
Stomach aches
Back aches
Trouble sleeping or eating
Nightmares
Withdrawal
Excessive worry
Increased arguing
Irritability
Loss of concentration
Refusal to go to school
Clinging behavior

Parents and caregivers should often reassure children that they are loved. During tragedies like these, words expressing love combined with deeds demonstrating love (for example, walks in the park or attending a community sporting event) can provide the most comfort to children and teens.
If you are concerned about your children and their reaction to this or any tragedy, talk directly with their school counselor, family doctor, or have your older children visit KidsPeace's teen-help Web site, which provides anonymous and clinically screened help and resources for teen problems before they become overwhelming.

Additional Resources:

Teacher's Resource: Coping With a National Tragedy
FAQ: Talking to Kids About Terrorism or Acts of War
FamilyEducation.com: Pointers for Parents
Courtesy of ARA Content

[Skywatch_NC]

I think about and pray for my 8 yr-old niece and 6-yr nephew in times like this...thank you very much for that very valuable and helpful info, Amanzi.

[northweststormchaser]

Tell them the truth that on 9-11 theys !!@# blow up wtc and we need to go to war to protect are selfs.

[streetsoldier]

Gee, that's not what firehead is concerned about...he keeps asking me to teach him swordsmanship, CQB tactics (armed and unarmed), and for firearms instruction with rifle, pistol/revolver and shotgun, police-style.

His rationale? "Better to have and not need, than to need and not have"...BTW, he's grown up around weapons all his life and has shown respect and restraint around them since he was a toddler; never asking me to display them, talk about them, or even touching them. As to "using" them, he likens himself to the ancient Chinese tale of the tiger and the dragon (the tiger is fierce, but mindless, and strikes in rage; the dragon also has great power, but respects his power so much that he is hesitant to use it).

firehead, of course, in theory and practice, is a "dragon"....but already well-versed in CQB knife/counter-knife combat and H2H in several disciplines.

[Amanzi]

Tell them the truth that on 9-11 theys !!@# blow up wtc and we need to go to war to protect are selfs.

If it were that simple, how easy life would be. Children are extremely sensetive to things. It is not easy to teach children forgiveness, peace love and understanding when they see violence on the TV, war's, hurt and injured people. This kind of situation needs to be dealt with in Love and understanding.

[Skywatch_NC]

I fully agree Amanzi.

[vbhoutex]

WONDERFUL POST AMANZI!!!!

What really upsets an oldtimer like me about this BS we are all going through is that now my children need to have WAR explained to them and they are 20 and 23. I have lived with war all my life and now after 9/11 once again every generation will have to deal with and begin to understand WAR and what a HORRIBLE HORRIBLE OCCURENCE WAR IS!!!

WE MUST ALL TALK TO OUR CHILDREN ABOUT WAR, NO MATTER WHAT THEIR AGE IS !!! THEY MUST BE MADE TO UNDERSTAND THAT WAR IS BAD AND THAT IT IS NOT THE WAY TO SETTLE OUR DIFFERENCES!! THEY UNFORTUNATELY, ALSO MUST LEARN THAT WAR IS A REALITY OF LIFE THAT WE MUST DO EVERYTHING IN OUR POWER TO KEEP FROM HAPPENING!!

Do not get me wrong here! We are doing as a Nation what we must do!!
HOWEVER, THAT DOES NOT CHANGE WHAT A HORRIBLE OCCURENCE WAR IS!!!

[Amanzi]

BRAVO DAVID!!!!!!!

I know it is such a difficult thing to explain to a little one (my son is going on 4) he misses nothing and wants to know why? It is so hard to try and explain to him. In his mind if someone hurts you, you try to forgive them and help them to be better people.

I grew up in a country of "hidden war" propaganda stopped me from understanding the entire picture of my contries political standing. I will never do that to my son, even though it is tough to try explain the why's of war. (I found using old testement examples in the bible help emensly to teach him about this current situation)

[streetsoldier]

firehead (thankfully) has been left unswayed by the PC nonsense fed to his classmates...he understands that, someday, he may find himself standing across from some Mahmoud, or Almanzo, or Manuel somewhere in this world, and he will NOT shrink from his duty. Ask him!

[Amanzi]

He has had a wonderful grounding from his parents! A very admirable quality to instill in a child "NEVER to shirk off duty" A man must behave as a man! Good on you streetsoldier. It is just a little harder to explain these things to a 3 year old :roll

[streetsoldier]

...we did, and continue to do our best, Bronwyn.