How Many???

[blizzard]

How many forum members does it takes to change a light bulb?

1 to change the light bulb and to post that the light bulb has been changed
14 to share similar experiences of changing light bulbs and how the light bulb could have been changed differently
7 to caution about the dangers of changing light bulbs
1 to move it to the Lighting section
2 to argue then move it to the Electricals section
7 to point out spelling/grammar errors in posts about changing light bulbs
5 to flame the spell checkers
3 to correct spelling/grammar flames
6 to argue over whether it's "lightbulb" or "light bulb" ... another 6 to condemn those 6 as stupid
2 industry professionals to inform the group that the proper term is "lamp"
15 know-it-alls who claim they were in the industry, and that "light bulb" is perfectly correct
19 to post that this forum is not about light bulbs and to please take this discussion to a lightbulb forum
11 to defend the posting to this forum saying that we all use light bulbs and therefore the posts are relevant to this forum
36 to debate which method of changing light bulbs is superior, where to buy the best light bulbs, what brand of light bulbs work best for this technique and what brands are faulty
7 to post URL's where one can see examples of different light bulbs
4 to post that the URL's were posted incorrectly and then post the corrected URL's
3 to post about links they found from the URL's that are relevant to this group which makes light bulbs relevant to this group
13 to link all posts to date, quote them in their entirety including all headers and signatures, and add "Me too"
5 to post to the group that they will no longer post because they cannot handle the light bulb controversy
4 to say "didn't we go through this already a short time ago?"
13 to say "do a Google search on light bulbs before posting questions about light bulbs"
1 forum lurker to respond to the original post 6 months from now and start it all over again.
26 to say lol

[blizzard]

Ole, Lars and Sven had been going to the Sons of Norway Hall meetings as long as there had been a hall. And every month, wouldn't ya know it, they never won a prize at the monthly drawing. That is, until the last meeting.

Sven was the first one of the three to have his name drawn. He won two pounds of spaghetti sauce, four boxes of noodles and three pounds of Swedish meatballs.

Ole had his name drawn next. He got himself round trip tickets to Duluth, MN., 2 nights' stay at the Dew Drop Inn, and a pair of tickets to see the Inger triplets Polka Ensemble. Ole thought that he had died and gone to heaven.

Lars was the last one to have his name drawn. He won a toilet brush. At the next monthly meeting, they sat down together to check out how they had fared for the past month.

Sven said, "Uff da, I had dat pasghetti for tree days. It was so good, and Helga didn't have to buy food for dem dere tree days."

Ole said, "Lena was so happy vhen I brought home dem tickets. The trip up to Duloot was nice, and we got to ride da Greyhound, and you know, they got a built-in outhouse on dat dere bus. And the Inger triplets, if I didn't know better, I would swear dey vere sisters." Then Ole turned to Lars, and asked him how his prize worked out.

Lars looked at them both and said, "Dat dere toilet brush is nice, but I tink I'll go back to using paper."

Sorry, couldn't help but add this one....

[ColdFront77]

Good ones, Blizzard.

4 to say "didn't we go through this already a short time ago?"

Sure, but it would be nice to bring up past topics for new members, even those that have joined in the last several weeks and haven't wanted to post.

[JCT777]

LOL at both posts, blizzard!

[coriolis]

I just changed a light bulb last night. Darn thing was only two weeks old. I'm going to do a google search and find the best brands of light bulbs. Has anyone else ever had that experience, and has there ever been a thread about this before? Please let me know before you move this to another forum. If you don't then I'm going to resign.

[Guest]

LOL! What a great thread. I swear, the lightbulb joke is so true.

[TexasStooge]

LOL!!!!!

[pojo]

LOL and ouch (toilet rush) Those where funny!

[ColdFront77]

If you don't then I'm going to resign.

..........

[breeze]

26 to say lol

LOL!!!

[StormCrazyIowan]

OMG!!! I bought died when I read the light bulb (AND YES IT'S SPACED) post!!!

[blizzard]

Some of the artists from the 60's are re-releasing their hits with new lyrics to accommodate us... good news, for those feeling a little older and missing those great old tunes...

Herman's Hermits - "Mrs. Brown, You've Got A Lovely Walker"

The Bee Gees - "How Can You Mend A Broken Hip"

The Temptations - "Papa's Got A Kidney Stone"

Ringo Star - "I Get By With A Little Help From Depends"

Marvin Gaye - "I Heard It Through The Grape Nuts"

Procol Harem - "A Whiter Shade Of Hair"

Johnny Nash - "I Can't See Clearly Now"

Leo Sayer - "You Make Me Feel Like Napping"

ABBA - "Denture Queen"

Paul Simon - "Fifty Ways To Lose Your Liver"

Roberta Flack - "The First Time Ever I Forgot Your Face"

Commodores - "Once, Twice, Three Times To The Bathroom"

Rolling Stones - "You Can't Always Pee When You Want"

Bobby Darin - "Splish, Splash, I Was Havin' A Flash"

[blizzard]

1. Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day. Teach that person to use the Internet and they won't bother you for weeks.

2. Some people are like Slinkies . . . not really good for anything, but you still can't help but smile when you see one tumble down the stairs.

3. I read recipes the same way I read science fiction. I get to the end and think, "Well, that's not going to happen."

4. Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday....lying in hospitals dying of nothing.

5. The other night I ate at a real family restaurant. Every table had an argument going.

6. Have you noticed since everyone has a video cameras these days, no one talks about seeing UFO's like they used to.

7. According to a recent survey, men say the first thing they notice about a woman is their eyes and women say the first thing they notice about men is they're a bunch of liars.

8. Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.

9. All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.

10. Have you noticed that a slight tax increase costs you two hundred dollars, and a substantial tax cut saves you thirty cents?

11. In the 60's people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.

12. Politics is supposed to be the second oldest profession. I have come to realize that it bears a very close resemblance to the first.

13. There is a theory which states that if ever anybody discovers exactly what the Universe is for and why it is here, it will instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable. There is another theory which states that this has already happened.

14. How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes whole box to start a campfire?

15. You read about all these terrorists--most of them came here legally, but they hung around on these expired visas, for as long as 10-15 years. Now, compare that to Blockbuster: you're two days late with a video and those people are all over you. Let's put Blockbuster in charge of immigration.

16. Every teenager should get a high school education. Even though they already know everything.

17. If you're playing a poker game and you look around the table and can't yell who the sucker is, it's you.

18. You know when you're sitting on a chair and you lean back so you're just on two legs then you lean too far and you almost fall over backwards but at the last second you catch yourself? I feel like that all the time.

19. I'm not 40-something. I'm $39.95, plus shipping and handling.

20. Doctors can be frustrating. You wait a month and a half for an appointment, and he says, "I wish you'd come sooner".

[vbhoutex]

:23: :23: :23:

[blizzard]

Sorry, but I just gotta add more to this thread.

1. Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things.

2. One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.....

3. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

4. If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?

5. The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.

6. I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman,"Where's the self-help section?" She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.

7. What if there were no hypothetical questions?

8. If a deaf person swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap?

9. If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?

10. Is there another word for synonym?

11. Where do forest rangers go to "get away from it all?"

12. What do you do when you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant?

13. If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?

14. Would a fly without wings be called a walk?

15. Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them?

16. If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked?

17. Can vegetarians eat animal crackers?

18. If the police arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?

19. Why do they put Braille on the drive-through bank machines?

20. How do they get deer to cross the road only at those yellow road signs?

21. What was the best thing before sliced bread?

22. One nice thing about egotists: they don't talk about other people.

23. Does the Little Mermaid wear an algebra?

24. Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?

25. How is it possible to have a civil war?

26. If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest drown, too?

27. If you ate both pasta and antipasto, would you still be hungry?

28. If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?

29. Whose cruel idea was it for the word "Lisp" to have "S" in it?

30. Why are hemorrhoids called "hemorrhoids" instead of "assteroids"?

31. Why is it called tourist season if we can't shoot at them?

32. Why is there an expiration date on sour cream?

33. If you spin an oriental man in a circle three times does he become disoriented?

34. Can an atheist get insurance against acts of God?

[firefighter16]

I like the disoriented one.....

[JCT777]

Blizzard - all of these are great! Keep 'em coming.

[StormCrazyIowan]

I read through all of those....

2. Some people are like Slinkies . . . not really good for anything, but you still can't help but smile when you see one tumble down the stairs.

but THAT is still making me laugh so hard my sides hurt!!!!!!

[stormraiser]

LOL!!! at your LoL

26 to say lol

LOL!!!