I haven't been myself lately

[coriolis]

It seems that I've been erratic lately. We've been dealing with some family issues. My oldest son, Ryan, 12 years old, was put into foster care a week and a half ago. He's been struggling with anger and violent tendencies and has been in trouble quite a bit for the last 2 years. My wife and I had our theories and we had been to several counselors within the limits of our insurance and resources. He's been in an after school program (finally ordered by the court) for about a year which combines counseling with a mini-boot camp setting. His counselor has been making weekly home visits to address issues at home, where we thought most of the issues lie. It finally came out that he was exposed to a lot of psychological abuse of a sexual nature by his cousin (a she), starting at the age of 5, and then he was threatened to not tell. We are not sure if it included physical contact or not. Add that to the stressful environment here, he couldn't cope with it. But this program he's in has provided the opportunity for continuing counseling which finally brought this out. Looking at the positive side, I hope that the foster home (a group home) will give him some time to sort things thru. It could last 4 months if he does well or up to a year if he doesn't do well.

Meanwhile my 21-year old step daughter (a single, unemployed, mom) has been difficult in her own way, and has been giving my wife a very hard time. So my wife has been pretty much a basket case, and I'm trying to keep my sanity. The other 3 boys are being, well boys, with the usual issues.

There's lots of other things going on as well, my new boss is a pain in the ass, and etc, etc.

I think that I'm holding up ok, but it's really a challange. I have faith that the Lord is watching over us and will provide the strength needed.

So that's about it. Everyone has to play the cards they're dealt.

Thanks for listnening.

[Rainband]

God Bless and I will keep you and your family in my thougths and Prayers.. on a lighter note. I need that beer and sub more than ever after the Bucs game tonight Hang tough bud and have faith.

[stormraiser]

Coriolis, you are in my prayers as well. Family issues can really weigh on you.

[Guest]

The struggles with teenagers.... Ed, I'm wishing you the peace of mind to deal with your issues. Stay strong. You have support right here. Hope things start looking up for you.
...Jennifer...

[ColdFront77]

Ed, I wish you and your family the best.

[Lindaloo]

Ed, check your PM.

[mf_dolphin]

Hang in the Ed... I'm in the midst of my 4th teenager (and the last)... These things will pass

[breeze]

Ed...I'll start by saying that I don't have kids.

(So, don't write me off, yet, ok? )

I'll ADD that, I am still gonna pray for you and your
family, that bad feelings are dealt with, hardships are made
lighter, and, love overcomes.

May the Good Lord wrap His caring arms around your family
and guide you, my friend!

[streetsoldier]

I'd see that the cousin gets some first-rate counseling, too (this may cause some in-family friction, but better to catch it early).

As to the stepdaughter and boys...been there. It IS tough raising stepkids...I raised four...and you have no idea of how many times I heard the infamous "You're not my Daddy!" phrase!

Best thing to remember is that, tough as it may appear, these are TEMPORARY "calamities", and they WILL pass. Your strength, grace under pressure and steadfastness are all God-given, and I have no dioubt that He will see you and yours through this. I "survived"...and if you ever want to PM me, I'd welcome the exchange!

[stormy]

i am so sorry for what u r going thru. just know that when u need to talk or vent, that u know that the ppl here will listen and its a good way to get it off ur chess. dont let the stress build up. i do know of some of what u r going thru. i will keep u in my paryers.

[petal*pusher]

Such a difficult time for you my friend......please know I'm sending positive vibes your way!

Twelve is a difficult age.....and added stresses can take "normal" behaviors and magnify them into huge problems. How wise you are to seek help for your son.....I cannot imagine how hard this was for you.....but you are taking steps in the right direction.

Tons of support and prayers are surely found here.......p

[azsnowman]

Ed, my dear friend, if there is ANYTHING I can do, PLEASE by all means let me either by PM, a post, an email, whatever.....I'm here for you Brother! I love my kids to death but they have put Michelle thru HADES these past few years, I don't how she has held it together, me too for that matter. Chris "FINALLY" found a place of his own last week, that has helped 110%, I mean Love the kid to death BUT.....3 adults living under ONE ROOF just didn't cut it, Chris is 20 yrs old for Crips sake, it was TIME he makes his own way in this world! Once again, if there's ANYTHING ol snowman can do, gimme a buzz, if you want my phone #, pm me and I'll send it to ya!

Dennis

[azskyman]

Ed,

I've found that the Fall of the year, while full of beauty and crisp cool mornings, is sometimes one of the hardest times to face life's challenges. The shorter days, perhaps. Maybe that some of God's gifts go to sleep for a few months, awaiting springtime to renew themselves. I don't know what it is, but it can be a sad time with or without problems such as yours.

Your son's anger and pain is surely a source of your own. I'm guessing there are times when your own patience and anger seem to get the best of you...and you think, "How can I help Ryan if I'm screwed up myself?"

Truth is, the very best thing you can do for him is to do all the things that seem in his best interests....for his own benefit. Even if he doesn't see it that way or resents your efforts, it is the right thing to do. Don't look back. Look forward.

...and mostly just love him for who he is. In quiet ways keep your foundation as solid as you can. It will be a source of his own strength some day. And it will be a source of your own strength right now. Work hard to keep the relationship upright with your wife, too. That's no easy task, I know.

We have the dark spectre of sexual abuse in our past, too. Reaction to it was so misguided for many years...and still has not left completely. But the understanding and gentle approach to ease the guilt and not be judgmental will eventually help...even if it takes many months and years.

As for your stepdaughter and her mom....it too must run its course.

So glad to hear the other three boys are doing ok...

Sorry to hear that the boss is a pain in the behind. I've been known to be one of those, and I have one of those from time to time myself. It isn't hard to see why as people near retirement they get so fixed in their ways. They have put up with a lot for decades...and it is ultimately time to say, "enough is enough!"

Finally Ed, find strength where you can...here at Storm2k or in your daily routine. Sometimes in something as simple as sunshine on your face.

Keep the faith. A prayer was said on your behalf tonight in Phoenix. Any extra sparkle you see in the night sky these nights...well the twinking is energy from all our prayers radiating your way.

Smile when you witness it in person over your very own backyard.

[vbhoutex]

I am haaving Deja vu except for the abuse part(at least as far as I know). BTDT with the anger-Jimmy went into rehab for drugs and depression at 13 yrs old. It was within 3 months of my wife having emergency open heart surgery and it was my daughters senior yr. of high school. What I am saying is I am echoing the fact that GOD will guide you through this very rough time and you will all come out better for the experience. The boss thing is way too familiar as you all know. It was part of the cause of my horrible demeanor over the last year before I was laid off. HANG IN THERE ED!! I am here for you by whatever means you want and extra prayers are being sent heavenward on behalf of all!!!

[stormchazer]

Hang in there Ed!!!

[Miss Mary]

Ed - I'm so sorry your family is having such a very difficult time right now. I will most definitely put your family at the top of my prayer list. Please lean on all of us when you need to vent or support. We're here for you.

Hugs

Mary

[Amanzi]

Ed... I pray the Lord will sustain you through this time and give you supernatural grace and strength. Hang in there... {{{Hugs}}}

[coriolis]

Thanks! I can actually feel all of your support!

It's a huge help knowing that others have had similar experiences or can relate. One of the worst things about these types of problems is thinking that you are all alone or that this is so terrible it has to stay a secret. It's actually a relief to get it out!

I will take you up on your offers at the right time.

We are dropping off a care package tonight for Ryan, and they may allow us to visit with him at the center.

There's been lots more to this story, too. Since those incidents took place, he went down hill in school to the point that he got put in to the special education class. He's been evaluated and has normal intelligence. The emotional issues got in the way. Once in the special program there's a label, and it's difficult to get out. To make matters worse, the middle shool near our home had no spaces for him, so he had to attend a middle school in the worst part of the city. That was a great place to learn how to be bad.

Now that he's been "placed" he will also attend the alternative school at the center. I think it will be a much better place.

In a way, I can see a potential for a lot of good to come out of this. For him, and for our family.

I do have my ups and downs, but they don't seem too extreme. It does help to blow off steam once in a while, and this is a good place to do it! That's one of my reasons for starting this thread, but as usual, a lot more good comes out of it!

[Lindaloo]

While Special Ed is a great program for slower learning kids it is not the place for kids with greater potential, like your son Ed. And you are right, children with behavorial problems usually end up there and it is hard to get them out. When you finally do get them out it is very difficult for the kids to make up the credits they lost to graduate. Special Ed kids do not get a diploma, they only receive a certificate of attendance, at least in MS anyway. Which IMO is not fair. Once Ryan overcomes the emotional part he will excel in his studies. I promise!!

[JCT777]

Ed - you and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.