Saying "I Love You."

[azskyman]

My dad, now 88, spent a week with us last week. During one particular conversation (one-on-one for lunch at TGIFridays at Bank One Ballpark of all places!), he mentioned that when he was growing up neither his mother or father ever said "I love you" to him.

In my 57 years, I had never heard him mention that. I jokingly said to him, "That sure came from left field! (which, of course, was where we were sitting.) After a chuckle, we talked about how important it was in our lives to say those words to each other. Not every day. Not as a matter of practice. But as a true statement about our relationship.

My own two boys...now 26 and 31...grew up hearing those words. And they are comfortable with them today.

My dad's remarks seemed to come from a sad place in his past...but at a happy time in the present. Funny how those three little words are so important.

Are they part of your life's relationships? His look was a bit haunting. Empty.

Or are they hard to say and painfully missing from your life these days?

Those three little words...a great gift, or a great source of pain.

[streetsoldier]

Non-existant here...except for the poodle.

[azskyman]

Bill and pooglie pup...know that you are loved, respected, and revered. Captain Midnight has always been someone I looked up to...even as a kid.

[StormCrazyIowan]

Hehehe....How could anyone not love Annabelle to pieces??

My family, well, let's just say those words aren't said very often! However, I didn't pick up on the "not comfortable expressing your feelings" vibe; I always have been and always will be an open book, and when I love somebody, I will make sure that person knows it!!

I don't think those words should be used lightly...I consider an insult to them when used casually, if someone tells me they love me, I want them to mean it, not just say it because they think it's what I want to hear! Anyone agree?

[azskyman]

Absolutely right, Jacki-Lynne. Sincerity is at the essence of those words. Therein lies the pain, I think, when they are never spoken.

[streetsoldier]

I do remember what it was like to have a warm, lovely face say "I love you", bless me with her kisses and MEAN it...which is why I feel the lack so heavily, and for far, far too long.

[StormCrazyIowan]

Very, very true!! Fortunately, I know that even though in my situation the words aren't said often, I AM loved!

[azsnowman]

Ya know Steve, it's GOT to be that generation......my father will be 86 this year and NEVER, not ONCE have I heard him utter those 3 little words, "NEVER!" That generation I guess was taught that a "Man is a man, you NEVER show emotions, you NEVER let them know how you feel!" I'm sure my father loves me, I don't know.....I still haven't spoken to him in almost 2 years now thanks to that SCUMBAG, child molesting S.O.B of a stepbrother I have........that *person* still lives with my father and stepmother, I mean a strong, healthy 35 year old living with his mother????? ANYWAYS....I swore that if I ever had kids, they would hear that I loved them everyday and I have. Even my father in law refuses to tell his kids, wife that he loves them, he too, is in his late 80's.

Dennis

[petal*pusher]

Hmmmm.......I'm not so sure it was "the generation" Dennis......I think it's how a person is raised. There was no lack of loving communications in my huge family growing up. Both parents had no problem spilling out "I-love-you's" to us.....but this was also well balanced with high expectations and tough discipline! I know I was fortunate in how I was raised and surely hope this is reflected in how I have raised my own two children!

My husband was raised in a family with a timid Mom who put up with loud hurtful remarks aimed at both her and the three sons. Not one of them hold their father in high regards......and unfortunately often mimic his behavior. When I mentioned "how I have raised my own two children"......believe me......the nurturing they recieved was from me only. They never left the house without me calling out those three little words.....and those same little words lovingly echoed back to me!.....p

[DaylilyDawn]

I never heard my father say those three little words and I will never hear him say them since he passed awy several years ago of complications of Alzheimers. But I heard those words from my mother at least once a week growing up. Now I make sure I tell my mom that I love her everytime I visit her atthe nursing home. I tell her that when I come in the room and when I leave.

[Josephine96]

I don't hear it enough from people.. I used to hear it all the time.. Mom never says it.. and I hardly ever hear it from anyone else (

[opera ghost]

Every day- but I'm a newlywed. Then again my husband and I have been together for 6 years and it hasn't dimmed that aspect one little bit.

My parents say it ocassionally, and they always mean it.

One thing I grew up without was human touch. My parents weren't big on hugs and holding once I got past the toddler age and I picked up my cues from them growing up. It took me years to get truely comfortable with touching other people- even a friendly hand on the shoulder or a hug among friends... and even now I rarely do it. If my husband dissapeared- I think I'd go crazy from not having human contact at all.

[stormchazer]

I've been married for 13 years and make a point to say it, and prove it everyday. Without her and her love, this life isn't worth living!

[JCT777]

My family is not big on "I love you", nor do they do much hugging. But I have heard those words from them enough to know how they feel. Everyone in my wife's family ends every phone conversation with "I love you". I think it's pretty cool. And I never leave home without telling my wife I love her.

[Stephanie]

All the time.

[pojo]

my brother and I hear it all the time. those 3 words are said when someone is leaving the house for the day....or going on a vacation. We always want to leave a lasting impression on the final statements before we part for the day.

[sunnyday]

We say it a lot and sincerely...no sweeter words

[stormy]

my bio father was a jerk. i dont think he loved anything, but i heard it alot from my stepfather and mother. i at least tell my kids 50 times a day. my husband has never heard hes mother say it. that is so sad.

[streetsoldier]

I never heard a word from my mother (other than screams, slaps, punches, kicks, etc.), but I did hear what she once told one of my siblings, years later..."I 'love' him, because he's my son, but I don't LIKE him very much as a person."

Dad was even more obtuse; whatever I achieved, he find some way to put a negative spin on it; if there were five different ways to interpret anything I did, he'd invariably choose the "worst case scenario", and present it to absent family members (by phone or letter) as "Gospel".

Sometimes it would take me YEARS to do "damage control" ex post facto., and even then I was uncertain of successfully straightening out "the record".

"I love you"? What's that?

[ColdFront77]

I don't say it to my parents, not that I don't love them... it isn't easy for me to say. Perhaps that sounds silly, but I can't change the way I am. My mother says it more to me and my siblings than my father does. My mother and sister say it to each other every night, now when they are staying over for a visit for a number of days.