A 3 year old tells all from his mother's restroom stall

[angelwing]

A 3-year-old tells all from his mother's restroom stall.
By Shannon Popkin
My little guy, Cade, is quite a talker. He loves to communicate and
does it quite well. He talks to people constantly, whether we're in
the library, the grocery store or at a drive-thru window. People often
comment on how clearly he speaks for a just-turned- 3-year-old. And
you never have to ask him to turn up the volume. It's always fully
c ranked.
There've been several embarrassing times that I've wished the
meaning of his words would have been masked by a not-so-audible voice, but never have I wished this more than last week at Costco. Halfway, through our shopping trip, nature called, so I took Cade with me into the
restroom.
If you'd been one of the ladies in the restroom that evening, this
is what you would have heard coming from the second to the last stall:
"Mommy, are you gonna go potty? Oh! Why are you putting toiwet paper
on the potty, Mommy? Oh! You gonna sit down on da toiwet paper now?
Mommy, what are you doing? Mommy, are you gonna go stinkies on the potty?"
At this point I started mentally counting how many women had been in
the bathroom when I walked in. Several stalls were full ... 4? 5?
Maybe we could wait until they all left before I had to make my
debut out of this stall and reveal my identity. Cade continued, "Mommy,
you ARE going stinkies aren't you? Oh, dats a good girl, Mommy! Are you
gonna get some candy for going stinkies on the potty? Let me see
doze stinkies, Mommy! Oh ... Mommy! I'm trying to see in dere. Oh! I see dem. Dat is a very good girl, Mommy. You are gonna get some candy! I heard a few faint chuckles coming from the stalls on either side of
me.
Where is a screaming new born when you need her? Good grief. This
was really getting embarrassing. I was definitely waiting a long time
before exiting. Trying to divert him, I said, "Why don't you look in
Mommy's purse and see if you can find some candy. We'll both have
some!"
"No, I'm trying to see doze more stinkies. Oh! Mommy!" He started to
gag at this point. "Uh oh, Mommy. I fink I'm gonna frow up. Mommy,
doze stinkies are making m e frow up!! Dat is so gross!!" As the gags
became louder, so did the chuckles outside my stall. I quickly flushed the
toilet in hopes of changing the subject. I began to reason with
myself: OK. There are four other toilets. If I count four flushes, I
can be reasonably assured that those who overheard this embarrassing
monologue will be long gone. "Mommy! Would you get off the potty, now? I want you to be done going stinkies! Get up! Get up!" He grunted as he tried to pull me off.
Now I could hear full-blown laughter. I bent down to count the feet
outside my door. "Oh, are you wooking under dere, Mommy? You wooking und er da door? What were you wooking at, Mommy? You wooking at the wady's feet?"
More laughter.
I stood inside the locked door and tried to assess the situation.
"Mommy, it's time to wash our hands, now. We have to go out now,
Mommy.! "
He started pounding on the door. "Mommy, don't you want to wash your
hands? I want to go out!!"
I saw that my "wait 'em out" plan was unraveling. I sheepishly< BR>opened the door, and found standing outside my stall, twenty to thirty
ladies crowded around the stall, all smiling and starting to applaud. My
first thought was complete emabarassment, then I thought, "Where's
the fine print on the motherhood contract' where I signed away every
bit of my dignity and privacy?"
But as my little boy gave me a big, cheeky grin while he rubbed
bubbly soap between his chubby little hands, I thought, I'd sign it all
away again, just to be known as Mommy to this little fellow.
(Shannon Popkin is a freelance writer and mother of three. She lives
with her family in Grand Rapids, Michigan, where she no longer
uses public restrooms)

[JonathanBelles]

HAHA thats cute!

[pojo]

OMG... that's freakin' hilarious!!!

[O Town]

Baaaaa ha ha ha ha ha.

[vbhoutex]

OMG... that's freakin' hilarious!!!

I classify that as "hystorical"!!!!

[Chacor]

Poor woman.

[DaylilyDawn]

Have Been there done that before when my three were small.

[TexasStooge]