TWW'S CRAZY NEWS STORIES

[TexasStooge]

Bored Canadian bureaucrat begs for escape online

OTTAWA (Reuters) - A bored Canadian bureaucrat fed up with office drudgery is seeking C$1 million (491,000 pounds) in donations so he can quit his job and "do something that makes a difference in my life and the lives of others".

The unnamed man, who claims to have worked for a large civil service organisation for over 10 years, has set up a Web site -- saveabureaucrat.com -- on which he explains he is desperate to escape his job.

"After a while it starts to sap the energy and soul out of you and you realise that you have become a true bureaucrat ... I feel like an old curmudgeon frustrated by having to deal with paper being passed around at a snail's pace," he writes.

"Retirement will free up my time for volunteer activities such as tutoring children and counselling people who are going through rough patches in their life. On a daily basis I will be a much more pleasant person to be around," he adds.

Despite promising not to spend donations on "Rolls-Royce cars, 10 bedroom houses, airplanes", the bored civil servant has quite a way to go.

As of Wednesday morning, five sympathetic souls had sent in a total of just C$59.26.

($1=$1.16 Canadian)

[TexasStooge]

Bleeding Dallas communion wafer deemed 'miracle'

By REBECCA RODRIGUEZ / WFAA ABC 8

DALLAS, Texas - Some are calling it a miracle - a communion host found bleeding in a Dallas church.

There's actually a term for it: Eucharistic miracle.

While it is way too soon to know what the Vatican will call it, some of the faithful already have all the proof they need.

A believer needs no explanation.

"He says he gives us life through the host through the body," says Ode Sifuentes.

And it is within a communion host found bleeding in a glass at St. James Catholic Church on Sunday that many believe they have also found a miracle.

Asuncio Zembrano was one of the first to see it.

"I began to tremble. It was an emotional feeling - the blood rushed to my head I don't know how to explain it," he said.

It all began a month ago, when a young boy choked during communion and spat it back out. According to church doctrine there is only one way to properly dispose of a host - and that is by letting it dissolve in a glass of water, something that should take only a few hours.

Instead, a church worker found a bloody host. Word spread quickly as people came to see for themselves and shared photos by e-mail.

On Tuesday, the Catholic Diocese of Dallas took possession of the glass and the host. It will now be analyzed.

Wanda Estrada was so moved by the e-mailed images, she came just to visit the church, where she believes a miracle occurred.

"It almost brought tears to your eyes," she said.

"We have to believe in something with everything going on out there in the world - we have to believe in something."

[TexasStooge]

Obese man crosses U.S. to shed pounds

OCEANSIDE, Calif. (AP) - Steve Vaught is trying to shed unwanted pounds the long, slow way: step by step as he walks across the United States.

Vaught, 39, began his trek last April in Oceanside, Calif., and has covered more than 2,300 miles. As the distances have mounted, so too has interest in his journey, with supporters monitoring his progress online and newspapers and television stations tracking the adventure.

Vaught began the trip to lose weight and break the bad habits that led to his obesity.

"When I first started this walk, I weighed around 410 pounds, and I was carrying an 85-pound backpack," Vaught wrote on his Web site earlier this month as he crossed Ohio.

"Now I weigh 296 pounds, and I am carrying a pack that weighs only 30 pounds. That is an overall reduction of almost 175 pounds off of my feet. So it will only get easier from here," he said.

Vaught, who lives in San Diego, is about 600 miles from New York, with freezing Midwestern winds snapping at his back. He expects to finish the trip in about six weeks.

He initially thought he could avoid the temptation of junk food on the road, where he usually camps in a tent at night between towns.

"It is amazing how hard it is to find good, healthy food while on the road," he wrote. "Most restaurants, fast food and sit-downs, offer limited choices, and usually you are relegated to a small variety of beef products with potatoes."

Vaught used to manage auto-repair businesses, but quit work before making the transcontinental journey. He seeks donations for each mile he travels and advertising for his Web site.

Vaught said he was not always overweight. "I have been many things in my life, from a lanky teenager to a muscular Marine, and now I am fat," he said. "This latest incarnation is without a doubt the worst."

[TexasStooge]

What else are you going to do on company time?

By Ellen Wulfhorst

NEW YORK (Reuters) - A quarter of U.S. workers who use a computer admit using it to hunt for a new job on company time, according to a survey released on Wednesday.

Among workers who believe their Internet use is monitored by their bosses, one-quarter use their work computer for job-hunting, according to research conducted for professional staffing company Hudson Highland Group Inc.

"It's one of the ways employees deal with work-life balance issues," said Robert Morgan, chief operating officer at Hudson Talent Management, one of the company's divisions. "Because we're spending so much time at work, that's the only time we have to schedule some of those appointments."

One-third of workers who think their managers are unaware of their personal Web surfing use their work computer to find a new job, according to the study.

Half of the workers surveyed said their companies monitor their computer use, while three-quarters said they believe their bosses know how much they use the Internet for nonwork activities.

Job-hunters may not be overly concerned about what their bosses know, Morgan said.

"Once they've made that decision to make a job change, they're probably less concerned about their current employer finding out," he said.

"What employers really need to focus their efforts on is why are people looking for a job, versus trying to get them to stop them from looking for it at work."

Among managers, 24 percent admitted to job-hunting on their work computer, the survey showed. Among nonmanagers, the figure was 23 percent.

More than two-thirds of workers said they spend "hardly any" time on personal e-mails, surfing the Web, in chat rooms or blogging in a typical work day, it said.

One percent said they spend more than two hours a day at work on such activities, it said.

The research was based on a nationwide poll of 2,694 workers conducted March 11-13. The margin of error was plus or minus 3 percent.

[TexasStooge]

Alligator Knocks on Fla. Woman's Door

By The Associated Press

BONITA SPRINGS, Fla. - So now the alligators are going door to door. When Lori Pachelli heard someone knocking at the door of her home in a gated community in this southwest Florida community earlier this week, she looked out to see an unwelcome visitor on her front stoop: an 8-foot alligator.

The bull gator, which had wandered up from the pond behind the house, had a bloody lip from banging its head against the door.

"He was pretty big, pretty aggressive," Pachelli said, adding that the gator may have followed her home from walking her cocker spaniel, Trooper.

Pachelli's husband, Mike, said he sped home after his wife called him in hysterics. The animal remained at the Pachellis' door for about an hour before going back into the lake, where trapper John French captured it later.

French said it's not unusual to find male alligators in some pretty interesting places this time of year.

"You're starting into what's called the crawl season, the breeding season," he said. "We get them out of front porches, out of garages, out of swimming pools."

The Pachellis said they never dreamed an alligator would venture that close to the house.

"I've never seen them walking around (the neighborhood), let alone banging on my front door," Lori Pachelli said.

[TexasStooge]

St. Paul City Office Boots Easter Bunny

ST. PAUL, Minn. (AP) - The Easter Bunny has been sent packing at St. Paul City Hall.

A toy rabbit, pastel-colored eggs and a sign with the words "Happy Easter" were removed from the lobby of the City Council offices, because of concerns they might offend non-Christians.

A council secretary had put up the decorations. They were not bought with city money.

St. Paul's human rights director, Tyrone Terrill, asked that the decorations be removed, saying they could be offensive to non-Christians.

But City Council member Dave Thune says removing the decorations went too far, and he wonders why they can't celebrate spring with "bunnies and fake grass."

[TexasStooge]

Someone Plants Wheat in Cyprus Cemetery

NICOSIA, Cyprus (AP) - Irate villagers are seeking the person who planted wheat in their local cemetery, the head of the village said Thursday.

"It's an unacceptable act. It is a matter of respect for the dead," said Michalakis Christodoulou, head of the local council.

So far there are only five graves in the Orthodox Church cemetery. It was opened three years ago outside the village of Lympia, around 12 1/2 miles south of Nicosia.

The wheat was sown over 50 meters away from the graves, which were not disturbed.

The locals discovered the deed when the wheat began to show.

"He must be from around here and we need to find him at all costs because it's disrespectful to the dead," Christodoulou said.

Next week the local council and church committee meet to decide their options, including waiting for harvest to see if the sower returns.

"I personally will not let it drop. Sooner or later we'll discover who he is," Christodoulou said.

[TexasStooge]

Dutch Family Taxed for Barking Doorbell

AMSTERDAM, Netherlands (AP) - The Bruintjes family says a city inspector was barking up the wrong tree when he handed them an euro80 (US$97) bill for the Dutch dog tax.

The family insists it does not have a dog — only a barking doorbell.

It was the second year in a row the family had a run-in with authorities over their doorbell, which plays 15 different barking noises, Dutch media reported Thursday.

"Last year it was a huge effort to convince the inspector that we didn't have a dog, and now it's happened again," Gerrit Bruintjes was quoted as saying by RTL Nieuws.

In the Netherlands, dog owners are required to pay the "hondenbelasting," an infamous annual tax that is frequently evaded.

After pressing the doorbell and hearing the barks, the inspector in the city of Oldenzaal simply pushed a bill through the family's mail slot.

"My wife came home shortly afterward and was able to grab the inspector at the end of our street. After a lot of yipping and yapping, she was finally able to convince him," Bruintjes said.

He said he had chosen the doorbell in honor of the family's German shepherd, which died several years ago.

[TexasStooge]

Drinking arrests rile bar patrons

Effort goes too far, say 2 who were jailed in intoxication crackdown

By PETE SLOVER and ERIC AASEN / The Dallas Morning News

All Burton Byers wanted was a burger and a beer – or six – at his Irving hotel.

In return, he traded his seat at the bar for a spot in jail – and unemployment.

Mr. Byers and others are still fuming two weeks after being accused of public intoxication by the Texas Alcoholic Beverage Commission, part of stepped-up enforcement efforts statewide in establishments that serve liquor. The campaign, which also involves local police, brought agents to Irving on the weekend of March 10-12.

"I could not believe [it]," Mr. Byers said, recounting that nobody in the bar was fighting or causing problems. "I've been in a lot of states, and you go in a bar to do one thing, and that's to drink alcohol."

Commission officials are defending the actions, noting that being drunk in public is against the law and that any place licensed to serve booze is, by law, a public place – including restaurants in dry areas that sell so-called private memberships to let patrons drink.

The agency's focus, a spokeswoman said, is to rein in people whose alcohol use could make them a danger to themselves or others – especially by driving drunk.

In the six months ending in February, the agency issued 2,281 criminal citations, nearly double the amount of the same period the previous year.

Some drinkers, though, say the state is going too far in targeting bar patrons who may have no intention of driving anywhere – Mr. Byers, for instance, said he was merely going to retire to his room in the same hotel. And some fear that having officers quietly monitor drinkers and make judgment calls about whether they pose a threat could lead to Big Brother-type abuses.

Mr. Byers, 41, said he was relaxing at the Circle Spur Saloon at the Clarion Hotel where he was staying, near the Dallas/Fort Worth International Airport, when officers approached him. Apparently, undercover alcohol commission agents had identified him as drunk, either by his behavior or by the number of beers he said he had consumed – key indicators of intoxication, according to the agency. Mr. Byers said he had no more than six beers.

Mr. Byers, a resident of Rogers, Ark., who is the director of maintenance for an aircraft charter company, was taken outside, handcuffed and sent to the Irving jail, where he posted $360 bond and was released. He had traveled to Dallas to help repair a plane and lost his job afterward, in part because of the arrest, he said.

Happy, or drunk?

A Clarion official declined to comment, but a bartender at another location targeted that night said he and his managers share customers' concerns.

"They feel like its violating their rights. How can you give somebody a public intox? That's what you go to a bar for," said Todd Williams, 27, a supervisor at Boston's Restaurant and Sports Bar on Market Place Boulevard in Irving.

Agents might easily mistake the rowdy atmosphere of a sports bar for drunkenness, Mr. Williams said.

"People are just laughing and having a good time," he said, describing the case of an off-duty restaurant employee who was arrested. "He's just kind of a loud and friendly guy. They might have taken him for being drunk."

Carolyn Beck, the alcohol commission's public information officer, said that officers take steps to confirm drunkenness, such as moving the patrons to a quiet location to observe them.

The legal requirements are different for proving public intoxication than for proving a person is driving under the influence, she said. The standard is not whether a person has a blood alcohol content of 0.08 percent; it's whether the person poses a threat to themselves or others.

Officers' observations

So no blood alcohol or breathalyzer tests are required, and convictions – usually class C misdemeanors, with fines but no jail time– often depend on officers' observation of certain symptoms: slurred speech, staggering or loss of balance, bloodshot eyes.

And as with drunken driving, Ms. Beck said, police don't have to wait for a person to harm somebody or themselves to make an arrest.

"Lots of people drive under the influence every day and get home without hurting anybody," she said. "It's the likelihood that you'll hurt somebody if you're driving drunk: that's why they made it illegal."

Mike Lessard, 45, was arrested at Texas Bar & Grill on Las Colinas Boulevard and also spent the night in jail.

He said he was having a pleasant evening, downing a few beers after work, when a plainclothes officer summoned him outside to be arrested.

"I had no idea that some guy could just tap me on the shoulder and say they'd like to see us outside," the Irving resident said. "I was thrown by the whole thing. I didn't know they had any right to do that."

Mr. Lessard said he wasn't sure how much he had been drinking but said he wasn't noticeably impaired and felt in control. He said that if had been drinking too much, he would have found a ride home.

In a memo sent to the city officials this week, Irving Police Chief Larry Boyd said that he had fielded "a number of unverified complaints regarding the reasonableness of some arrests made during this operation."

"In general, I believe it serves the best interest of our citizens to ensure that the premises licensed to sell alcohol in Irving are conducting themselves within the parameters of the law," he wrote to Assistant City Manager Gilbert Perales. He called Irving police's participation "consistent with this objective."

Still, Chief Boyd said, he planned to meet with alcoholic beverage commission officials to discuss concerns about the operation.

In 2003, a similar effort in Virginia was halted after an outcry from officials and the public. Ms. Beck, the Texas commission spokeswoman, said that the department is confident that the arrests are legitimate and that lawmakers approve of the program.

"We've had a lot of contact over at the Legislature, and they gave us additional personnel for this effort," she said.

Pete Slover reported from Austin; Eric Aasen reported from Irving.

[TexasStooge]

Swiss Named the Big Cheese in Wisconsin

By JR ROSS, Associated Press Writer

MADISON, Wis. - It was all in the cheese's eyes. An emmentaler swiss cheese crafted in Switzerland with near perfect distribution of the holes that make the cheese famous took top honors Thursday at the World Championship Cheese Contest.

The cheese, with a taste the top judge described as nutty and sweet, beat out two gouda entries from the Netherlands as the overall winner. There were 1,793 entries from 18 countries, ranging from cheddar to edam to flavored spreadable cheese.

After tasting some 50 cheeses in a two-hour championship round, judge Mark Johnson said the swiss crafted by Walo Von Muhlenen was near perfect.

"The workmanship that had to go into that piece of cheese was outstanding," said Johnson, who works at the University of Wisconsin's Center for Dairy Research as a troubleshooter for cheese makers.

Thursday marked the culmination of the three-day world championships, with 50 categories for cheeses and butters. Each begins with a score of 100 with deductions for imperfections as judges arrive at scores that produce a gold, silver and bronze winner in each class.

Judges can take several minutes with each cheese in the early rounds, grading for presentation, texture, smell and taste. They swirl the samples in their mouths like fine wine, trying to pull out the characteristics — before spitting out a mouthful of cheese into a garbage can.

Johnson said judges deduct points if flavors are not in balance or a cheese does not smell right. Having an overpowering horse blanket taste is a typical problem. Johnson described it as "sweaty, barny, unclear."

"You know it when you taste it, but it's not a pleasant one," he said.

Entrants are not allowed to sample their cheeses, which must be received in their original packaging, uncut, or they are disqualified.

John Umhoefer, executive director of the Wisconsin Cheese Makers Association, said producers will often taste cheese from the same batch but are unsure of the quality of the sample the judges will taste. He said producers have to trust their skills and have faith that their ingredients were good enough to create the right smell, flavor and texture.

The champions from each class were re-evaluated Thursday as part of the final judging. Judges went through some four dozen cheeses in two hours.

The champion averaged 98.271 from the 18 judges.

A good showing can be a boom for small cheese makers who specialize in hand-crafted cheeses.

Reining U.S. champion Randy Krahenbuhl came up short Thursday, taking only a bronze medal among the 12 entries he submitted.

His U.S. title last year for his swiss cheese emmentaler has opened doors for his growing cheese factory.

Krahenbuhl, who left his native Wisconsin four years ago as competition for quality milk among specialty cheese producers drove up prices, said markets in Pennsylvania, Texas and northern Indiana came calling after he took the title. His operation doubled in size over the past year, he said.

Krahenbuhl said he has long-term plans to continue growing his operation.

"I just love it in everything. We had macaroni and cheese last night," he said. "It goes in everything we make."

[TexasStooge]

Berlusconi jokes about war with France

BRUSSELS (Reuters) - Italian Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi joked about declaring war on France on Friday and pretended to massage President Jacques Chirac, making light of a clash between their two countries over energy mergers.

Leaving for the second day of European Union summit, Berlusconi told reporters: "There is no news, unless you journalists want us to declare war on France."

Inside the conference room, the Italian leader walked up to the seated Chirac and put his hands on the French president's shoulders in what looked like a neck-rub, prompting a startled laugh.

Tension between France and Italy has risen since the Paris government engineered a hasty merger between state-owned Gaz de France and private French utility Suez to fend off a feared bid from Italy's Enel.

Diplomats had expected Berlusconi, trailing centre-left ex-European Commission President Romano Prodi in opinion polls ahead of an April 9-10 general election, to use the summit to attack the French action.

In the event, he focussed his public comments on attacks against Prodi and insisted that he would confound the polls and win re-election.

[TexasStooge]

More research urged into rare sex syndrome

LONDON, England (Reuters) - Doctors called on Friday for more research into a very rare, poorly understood syndrome that is the opposite of the most common sexual complaint in women.

Instead of failing to get aroused, women suffering from persistent sexual arousal syndrome (PSAS) experience constant, unprovoked feelings of excitement.

"Persistent sexual arousal syndrome occurs when a woman becomes involuntarily aroused for extended periods of time in the absence of sexual desire," said Dr David Goldmeier, of St Mary's Hospital in London.

But rather than being a pleasant sensation, Goldmeier, who described PSAS in a report in the International Journal of STD & AIDS, said it is embarrassing and very distressing for women.

Some sufferers have reported being suicidal, he added.

In the majority of cases the cause is unknown but a number of women report symptoms after they stop taking antidepressants known as selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors.

Because so few cases have been studied, little is known about the prevalence of the problem or the best treatments for a condition that was first diagnosed in 2001.

"It deserves continued research, not only because it is a distressing and perplexing condition, but also because ... treatment may lead to greater understanding of other aspects of female sexual response," said Goldmeier and Dr Sandra Leiblum of the Robert Wood Johnson Medical School in Piscataway, New Jersey.

The International Journal of STD & AIDS is published by the Royal Society of Medicine in London.

[TexasStooge]

N. Korean flees for love of jazz piano

By Frances Yoon

SEOUL (Reuters) - It's not every day that a jazz-inspired pianist has to make a life or death decision about his art, and it is not every day a gifted musician flees North Korea.

Kim Cheol-woong, 31, was a North Korean prodigy who was trained in classical music and destined to play the patriotic and martial tunes that hymn Pyongyang's leaders.

While studying overseas, Kim heard jazz piano for the first time and was fascinated. He returned home knowing this was the music he wanted to play, but that he would have to flee the strictly regimented state to realise his dream.

One night in 2001, he made the perilous trip across the Tumen River into China and reached Yanbian, an autonomous Chinese prefecture where many ethnic Koreans live.

He went on to South Korea two years later but still he will not talk about how he crossed the Tumen or of his attempts to leave China for the South.

Kim now teaches music at a university in Seoul, and dreams of playing at New York's Carnegie Hall.

As an artist, he thought he would die a slow death in North Korea.

"We musicians were only a means and a tool to maintain the regime," Kim said during a piano rehearsal.

Many North Koreans who flee the country seek asylum from hunger and oppression, but Kim's father was a high-ranking military official and lavishly provided for his family.

This allowed Kim to learn the piano at an elite university in Pyongyang.

But access to most foreign music is banned. For the typical North Korean, cultural expression through music, movies and the performing arts is restricted to extolling the virtues of its leader Kim Jong-il, his late father Kim Il-sung and their communist policies.

"All other types of music are all lumped into one genre they called 'jazz', which is considered barbaric because it has no melody," Kim said.

"It is the worst, spoiled culture of capitalism," he said he was taught.

GIRLS WITH ACCORDIONS

North Korean state TV often shows masses dancing to military music and schoolgirls playing patriotic tunes on accordions. A recent state news report said some recent popular tunes included songs such as "A girl innovator dashing like a steed" and "Song of coast artillery women".

People can be imprisoned for listening to South Korean music, and playing rock and roll can be considered a crime.

Kim said his university education in Pyongyang was based on classical music composed before the 19th century, access to which was given only to university students.

It was later, during extended studies at a Russian university, that he was captivated by the music being played at a cafe in Moscow, music he was strictly forbidden to listen to or perform in the North.

"I heard Richard Clayderman's 'A Comme Amour' and was fascinated by it. This made me want to escape North Korea," Kim said.

Kim has since turned his attention to classical piano pieces by composers such as Chopin, Tchaikovsky and Liszt.

Clayderman, with his soft renditions of pop tunes, is occasionally derided for composing kitsch, but Kim said the first time he heard one of his recordings, it was an epiphany.

"I was shaking and entranced. I felt as if I was falling into the music. It was because I had such a strong notion that all jazz music was not good. He is still my favourite even though I have encountered many other genres," he said.

MUSIC IS MY LIFE

On his return to Pyongyang in 1999, Kim worked for the North Korean orchestra. He was playing a Clayderman piece on the piano during practice one day when a security official caught him and Kim was forced to write a 10-page apology.

"There are famous and honourable musicians in North Korea but the origin of the creativity is aimed at supporting the government's policies and Kim Il-sung. Their music is very good but the words are all weird," he added.

In China, to survive, he worked 12 hours a day loading wood at a factory where his smooth hands became thick and hard.

After seven months, Kim found a chance to play the piano after finding the instrument at a nearby church. But he realised that to win musical freedom, he needed to go to South Korea and, after two failed attempts, finally arrived there in spring 2003.

To support himself in Seoul, he performed at bars and worked as a piano tutor. He also founded an arts organisation for North Korean defectors.

Since Kim is familiar with music from both Koreas, he hopes his work can help in a small way towards unifying the two Koreas, which are technically still at war half a century after the 1950-53 Korean War ended in an inconclusive truce.

"A piano can play an important part in moving many people with one melody as opposed to thousands of words," he said.

[TexasStooge]

Bleeding Dallas communion wafer 'not a miracle'

DALLAS, Texas (WFAA ABC 8) - The communion host that hundreds of people lined up to see at an Oak Cliff church earlier this week is not a miracle, the Catholic Diocese of Dallas said.

The host – a piece of communion bread that turned into a clot after being spit out by a boy at St. James Catholic Church and placed in a glass of water – was sent by the diocese to the University of Dallas in Irving on Tuesday for analysis.

In a news release, the diocese said the lab report indicated the transformation was the result of fungus and bacteria.

"From this conclusion, the phenomenon was of the natural order," Bishop Charles Grahmann said in a letter to the Rev. Mario Magbanua. "Thus, you need to remove yourself from any further activity on this matter and its exaggerated claims."

Father Magbanua said the boy received the host during Holy Communion about a month ago but could not dissolve it in his mouth. The child spit out the host, and it was put in a glass of water.

Last Sunday, volunteers at the church noticed something reddish floating in the glass. Earlier this week, hundreds of worshippers - some from as far away as Kansas - came to the church to view the host.

[TexasStooge]

Monet fans get a chance to make big Impression

LONDON, England (Reuters) - A London hotel is offering art fans a chance to emulate Impressionist Claude Monet in the room where he painted his classic studies of the Thames skyline.

For 2,600 pounds ($4,500), a couple can stay two nights in the Savoy Hotel room where Monet painted 70 canvases.

For that price, they also get an easel, paints and the advice of an arts teacher on how to reproduce the French painter's famous works.

"The teacher will also take you round London's National Gallery to see the Monet paintings there and point out what to look for. It is a mini-painting holiday," said a Savoy spokeswoman.

The Savoy's artistic tradition was started by James McNeill Whistler who painted a picture of the scaffolding when the hotel was being built in the 1880s.

Monet followed him as a guest, as did fellow artists Oskar Kokoschka and Andy Warhol.

[TexasStooge]

Libya's Gaddafi lectures U.S. on democracy

By Claudia Parsons

NEW YORK (Reuters) - Libyan leader Muammar Gaddafi lectured a U.S. audience on democracy on Thursday and said Libya is the only real democracy in the world.

Via a video link, Gaddafi addressed an unprecedented gathering of U.S. and Libyan academics prompted by a thaw in relations since the former pariah state decided in 2003 to abandon nuclear weapons and took responsibility for the 1988 Lockerbie bombing.

He touted Libya's political system as superior to "farcical" and "fake" parliamentary and representative democracies in the West."

"There is no state with a democracy except Libya on the whole planet," Gaddafi said to the conference at Columbia University in New York.

Libya's Jamahiriyah system, under which Libyans can air their views at "people's congresses," is genuine democracy, said Gaddafi, who spoke through a translator and was dressed in purple robes and seated at a desk in front of a map of Africa.

The U.S. Central Intelligence Agency's World Factbook describes Libya's government as: "Jamahiriyah (a state of the masses) in theory, governed by the populace through local councils; in fact, a military dictatorship."

Gaddafi said Libya's new openness would not lead Libyans to covet what they do not have -- on the contrary, he said, the rest of the world would soon be emulating Libya.

"Countries like the United States, India, China, the Russian Federation, are in bad need of this Jamahiriyah system," he said. "This is a savior to them."

Challenged by the U.S. moderator about freedom of speech, Gaddafi said every Libyan was free to express his opinions at the congresses and that was a better forum than a newspaper.

Jon Alterman, director of the Middle East Program at the Center for Strategic and International Studies, one of two U.S. moderators, said some of Gaddafi's comments might have sounded jarring to Americans.

"One of the hard things when you haven't talked to somebody for more than 30 years is we don't really understand how we sound to them and they don't understand how they sound to us," he said. "We obviously have a way to go until we're speaking the same language."

[TexasStooge]

Carpool Dummy Sells on eBay for $15,000

DENVER, Colo. (AP) - A makeshift mannequin that failed to fool police monitoring the high-occupancy vehicle lane on a highway has fetched $15,000 in an auction on eBay, with proceeds going to charity, the buyer announced.

A company called Video Professor bought the Styrofoam head, coat hanger, and clothing stuffed with newspapers from carpool-lane scofflaw Greg Pringle, 53, said Brian Olson, a spokesman for the company.

Olson said the computer tutoring company will take Tillie to various events and later auction her off again for charity in June.

As part of his sentence handed down earlier this month, Pringle agreed to donate any profits from a Web site — launched to free "Tillie" after she was impounded by police — and the auction to a driver safety awareness program.

"We've rescued Tillie from a life of crime and we hope to rehabilitate her so she can be a contributing dummy to our society," Olson said Thursday, The Denver Post and Rocky Mountain News reported.

Pringle also was fined $115 and ordered to hold a sign alongside the highway for four hours reading: "HOV lane not for dummies." He was pulled over and ticketed Jan. 26 for driving in the lane reserved for car pools, motorcycles, buses, and hybrid vehicles.

Pringle has said it cost him $10 to create Tillie.

[TexasStooge]

"Brokeback Mountain" actor sues studio

By Steve Gorman

LOS ANGELES, Calif. (Reuters) - Actor Randy Quaid has sued the studio and producers behind "Brokeback Mountain" for $10 million (6 million pounds), saying he was underpaid for his supporting role in the acclaimed film about two cowboys who fall in love.

According to the lawsuit, filed on Thursday in Los Angeles Superior Court, producers tricked Quaid into appearing in the movie for what was "effectively a donation of his time" by "falsely representing it as a low-budget, art-house film, with no prospect of making any money."

Quaid, 55, played the no-nonsense rancher who hires Jack Twist (Jake Gyllenhaal) and Ennis Del Mar (Heath Ledger) to tend his sheep on a Wyoming mountain, where the two men end up in a secret love affair.

The lawsuit names Focus Features, a specialty studio of General Electric Co.-controlled Universal Pictures, as well as Focus co-presidents James Schamus and David Linde. A Focus spokeswoman on Friday declined comment on the suit.

The movie, which cost about $14 million to make, has grossed roughly $160 million at the box office worldwide.

Although "Brokeback" drew critical raves, many believed its box-office potential was limited because of its subject matter. But the film gained numerous honours, including eight Oscar nominations, as it crossed over to a mainstream audience. Ultimately, it earned Academy Awards for director Ang Lee, as well as its screenwriters and musical composer.

The lawsuit says Quaid, an Oscar nominee for a supporting role in the 1973 film "The Last Detail," has a history of working at reduced rates in "experimental, non-mainstream" movies for the sake of art.

Quaid said he agreed to appear in "Brokeback" for a nominal sum -- rather than his customary seven-figure fee plus a percentage of the box office gross -- because the filmmakers convinced him it was a low-budget picture with no commercial potential.

The director himself, who is not named as a defendant in the suit, told the actor: "We have very little money, everyone is making a sacrifice to make this film," the suit says.

However, the suit claims that "from day one, defendants fully intended the film would not be made on a low budget, would be given a worldwide release and would be supported as the studio picture it always was secretly intended to be."

Moreover, the suit says, Linde obtained Universal's backing for "Brokeback" by presenting it to his studio bosses as a film "that was going to make money." And the film's release was accompanied by an estimated $30 million "worldwide marketing and distribution blitz," the suit says.

Industry guilds, according to the suit, define a "low-budget" film as one made for $500,000 to $7 million, far less than the actual budget for "Brokeback."

Reuters/VNU

[TexasStooge]

Canada "Jekyll and Hyde" stockbroker sues company

CALGARY, Alberta (Reuters) - A Calgary stockbroker fired for bringing a prostitute to his office said he was living a "Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde existence", drinking heavily and having affairs before being forced out of RBC Dominion Securities.

In court testimony reported on Friday by several newspapers, Jim Whitehouse, a former top broker at the investment arm of Royal Bank of Canada, said he drank 10 bottles of beer as well as several cocktails before hiring the prostitute he then took to his downtown office.

Whitehouse, who made more than C$400,000 ($342,000) a year in commissions, is suing his former employer for wrongful dismissal, claiming C$2 million in damages. RBC Dominion is countersuing for more than C$5 million, alleging Whitehouse's actions damaged the firm's reputation.

Whitehouse was fired after the prostitute returned to his office the next day demanding money, though both sides agree the pair didn't remove their clothes or have sex.

He has admitted to bringing other prostitutes to his office on other occasions.

Whitehouse, now a broker at National Bank Financial, said he never intended to harm his former employer and believed he should have been offered counselling. He had worked at RBC Dominion for 16 years.

"I was living a Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde existence," Whitehouse was quoted as saying in response to questions from his lawyer.

"I was making extremely poor choices in life, bad judgement calls, going through a crisis I didn't even understand myself."

However, he testified that his drinking didn't interfere with his work. "I'd be in these drunken states and do what I did then magically appear at work the next morning and somehow continue to be a top performer."

A verdict in the case isn't expected until at least the middle of next month.

($1=$1.17 Canadian)

[TexasStooge]

Diocese: Host that became clot isn't divine

By PATRICIA ESTRADA / Al Día

DALLAS, Texas - The communion host that hundreds of people lined up to see at an Oak Cliff church earlier his week is not a miracle, the Catholic Diocese of Dallas said.

The host – a piece of communion bread that turned into a clot after being spit out by a boy at St. James Catholic Church and placed in a glass of water – was sent by the diocese to the University of Dallas in Irving on Tuesday for analysis.

In a news release, the diocese said the lab report indicated the transformation was the result of fungus and bacteria.

"From this conclusion, the phenomenon was of the natural order," Bishop Charles Grahmann said in a letter to the Rev. Mario Magbanua. "Thus, you need to remove yourself from any further activity on this matter and its exaggerated claims."

Father Magbanua said the boy received the host during Holy Communion about a month ago but could not dissolve it in his mouth. The child spit out the host, and it was put in a glass of water.

Last Sunday, volunteers at the church noticed something reddish floating in the glass. Earlier this week, hundreds of worshippers - some from as far away as Kansas - came to the church to view the host.


DEBORAH TURNER / AL DÍA
Hundreds of people lined up earlier this week at St. James Catholic Church in Oak Cliff to view the host.