Needing to talk a little.. PLEASE

[Josephine96]

For those of you that may or may not know.. Monday is probably gonna be a tough day for me..

Monday marks the 1st year since my nearly fatal bicycle accident. I still have flashbacks and even nightmares sometimes regarding it.

I even had 1 of my bosses even bring up the story to me yet AGAIN today.. He happened to realize Monday was the anniversary of the bike mishap so he was talking to me about it and how much he remembers how the store was without me or whatever..

There's also a part of me that's SCARED!. Even though I don't ride the bike hardly anymore.. I am still scared of not if I'll get hurt again but WHEN. and if so.. how bad..

My last dr's appt a long while ago said I'm suffering the classic symptoms of post traumatic stress disorder..

The accident was so freaking scary.. I can remember getting up and wondering if I'd make it home alive

I can also wondering that 1st night in the hospital if I was gonna live or die.. I remember a lot of things all too well..

But... at the same time.. I try to look at this way.. Monday is 1 year since the accident.. but it also means I have been ALIVE TO TELL ABOUT IT for a year!

If my only remaining side effect is PTSD, then I'm doing pretty darn good I think

[azskyman]

Reliving a moment of fear and horror in your life can come during flashbacks triggered by all kinds of things. Sometimes just watching someone else on a bike might do it for you. Other times a particular time of day or season of the year. And yes, anniversaries are also triggering times. Just think how long 9/11 will trigger thoughts to almost all of us.

We're given difficulties in life...the bad times...so that we use them as a measuring stick for all the "better" times. There were good things that happened to you this year as well, so it is also good to think of them and appreciate them because, as you said, you are still here.

And remember too, that on that same anniversary date, thousands of people will be mourning the one year anniversary of the loss of a friend or family member. They don't have second chances.

I know it will be hard for you...and rightfully so. But in some ways it needs to be a celebration of the "rest of your life" ahead of you, too.

We're glad you are here to share that day with us at S2k, you know.

Steve

[Stephanie]

But... at the same time.. I try to look at this way.. Monday is 1 year since the accident.. but it also means I have been ALIVE TO TELL ABOUT IT for a year!

That's what you need to focus on. I'm glad that you mentioned that in your post because to me, it means that you are healing.

[DaylilyDawn]

Take this attitude toward Monday, the accident is history, you survived it and it made you a better person. Go forward and live your life knowing you have faced death in the face and YOU WON!

[zoeyann]

The emotional trauma may still be there, but someone upstairs must have saved you for a special purpose. And that should be a comforting thought when things don't look so good at the moment

[Rainband]

Hang in there John.

[Josephine96]

Thanks guys.. I actually had an emotional breakdown at Wally World today.. I had a flashback while on the sales floor and had to go to the back for a break..

Then when I wanted to talk to my store boss.. he shrugged me off. He told someone "tell John to relax and go back onto the floor when he feels better".

This is actually 1 time I miss being a cart pusher. Me and the store manager were close when I pushed buggies. He talked to me all the time, he'd criticize me when I thought I needed it. He was teaching me lessons about managing, or at least from what I had seen.

I'm afraid to let anyone on management know I have PTSD, {unless they somehow already know} because I'm afraid they'll think I'm a wierdo or something.

1 of my old bosses when I was a cart pusher said maybe I should consider going to see a therapist. But I don't know..

12/12/04 Facing death.. and I WON!

Although.. I have also noticed something.. There are several people I work with that tell me.. "You can talk about the accident till your blue in the face to us because we'll never get sick of it". Maybe those are the people I need right now.

Thanks for listening guys..

[yoda]

Thanks guys.. I actually had an emotional breakdown at Wally World today.. I had a flashback while on the sales floor and had to go to the back for a break..

Then when I wanted to talk to my store boss.. he shrugged me off. He told someone "tell John to relax and go back onto the floor when he feels better".

This is actually 1 time I miss being a cart pusher. Me and the store manager were close when I pushed buggies. He talked to me all the time, he'd criticize me when I thought I needed it. He was teaching me lessons about managing, or at least from what I had seen.

I'm afraid to let anyone on management know I have PTSD, {unless they somehow already know} because I'm afraid they'll think I'm a wierdo or something.

1 of my old bosses when I was a cart pusher said maybe I should consider going to see a therapist. But I don't know..

12/12/04 Facing death.. and I WON!

Although.. I have also noticed something.. There are several people I work with that tell me.. "You can talk about the accident till your blue in the face to us because we'll never get sick of it". Maybe those are the people I need right now.

Thanks for listening guys..

It'll be ok John. You will get over it. You must face your fears and then not look back. Trust me, I feel the same way when Feb 1 comes up. I hope you get better and I echo what everyone said in this thread.

[Josephine96]

I'm trying to treat today as a day to celebrate the fact that I survived.. Not a day where I was nearly killed. It is working at times, but other times its' not

[DaylilyDawn]

Happy Celebration of life!

[Josephine96]

Thank you DayLilly

I was laying down watching TV a little while ago, began to go through a flashback that nearly made me cry.. But.. I toughed it out till it passed through my head..

It's hard not talking about it or thinking about it though.. and to think.. this recent bout of thinking about it.. all started because on Friday, a co worker asked me.. "how are you doing regarding the bike thingy?"