How do you get along with your in-laws?

[chicagopizza]

Thanks for the responses! For those of you that can relate to my situation, hang in there and to those of you who are lucky enough to have good in-laws, thank your lucky stars!

Otown- She says I'm 100% evil 100% of the time (literally)and her poor son is "blinded by love", so she has to "save" him from me. I'll never understand what that accomplishes. Hmmm, with all my "evil" capabilities, you think I'd rig the powerball so that I win it... Thanks for the well wishes. I hope this finds a way to be resolved too.

[DaylilyDawn]

From day one of my marriage , I have never had a mother-inlaw or father-inlaw. My husband's father died from a blood clot that went to the brain during some surgery when he was about 5 years old. His mother passed away when he was a senior in high school. I didn't meet him until 1974 so his parents had been dead for several years. Now he on the the other hand had in-laws, my parents. He loved my mother to death because she did not criticise or intrude into our lives at all. My dad was a little hard to get along with but they did. Sadly though now both of my parents have passed on. So the only in laws I have are my sisters' hubbies and hubby's brothers

[chicagopizza]

Daylily-

It's a shame so many have passed away, but I'm hoping that has brought you all even closer to each other.

[chicagopizza]

Just need to vent for a minute. Having a rough night. We're trying to reslove things with mother-in-law, right? I thought it a good idea that we each list something we like about each other with each family member to help things along. Well, "mom" wrote back and -despite me complimenting her-said that there's not one thing she can say good about me and started listing why she felt that way. Not one good thing. I mean I'm not fishing for compliments, but it's just such a cold thing to say as a response to a letter for peace and it makes me feel like dirt. Then, when we tell her that, her neice (who was with her) and is one of the family members involved in the peace process, says that my mil has a right to say that (freedom of speech) and I need to "grow up" and stop being so sensitive. That she's only being honest-what's wrong with that? Hubby told them it's unacceptable, but we missed part of the World series game dealing with this junk and he's taking care of the dogs while I vent here. Thanks for letting me get it off my chest. I sure hope the Sox won....

[DaylilyDawn]

Chicagopizza, I hope you can make peace with your mother-in-law soon. When my uncle brought his wife home from Korea, my mother made the effort to make her feel comfortable even though she spoke no English. My aunt did not make an effort to befriend her and as a result of this, my Korean aunt did not call her sister like she did my mother,she called my aunt, sister-in-law. The meaning of the words in law were very clear when they were said by my aunt. Over the years though peace was found by both of them . I loved both my aunts even though one was Korean and her culture was different from what I knew. Sadly though my mom's sister preceded her in death by 3 years. My aunt died in March of 2000 and my mother passed away Dec 31, 2003. My Korean aunt has outlived them both.

[O Town]

Feel free to vent anytime, sometimes you need to let it out. It is really a sad situation as it sounds to me. I mean one day something may happen to one of you guys and then someone will be feeling guilty for not patching things up. Sounds like mom is trying to be his wife instead of his mother. He is a grown man and she should respect his decisions weather she agrees with them or not. Sounds like they are a tight knit family, and obvioulsy do not want to except new members unless they meet their criteria. How long does she think you can handle this? She is trying to push you out of the family, I guess she figures if she keeps on you will just leave your husband. Dont give in, you and your husband stand your ground. It would really be awful if you guys had to abandon her for a while, but it may be the only solution. How long have you guys been married, out of curiousity? Maybe if she is ignored long enough by the both of you, she will come around knowing that her son won't talk to her unless she trys to be a little more civil and respect his wife. Really hope this works out, somehow. Does not sound like it is going to be an easy solution, not matter how it is handled. Keep us posted. And try to stay strong. And by the way you do not need to grow up and being sensitve is not all bad. No one should feel like an alien in their own family.

[CajunMama]

Sounds like the others in the family are kissing up to her, not wanting the same treatment you're getting. Man o man, I just can't believe she treats you like that. Thank goodness her son didn't take after her!

[Tstormwatcher]

Although I respect my in-laws, I avoid going to their house, live 15 minutes from us, for several reasons. 1. my wifes mom treats her like a child. She will criticise(sp) what she wears if she is not properly dressed in her mind or if my wifes hair gets too long. 2. mom-in-law shows outright favoritism to her son and evryone knows it. We used to go an see them and she would respond, "oh visiting again" but when her son comes to town, he live 2 hours away, any plans we have made have to be changed to accomidate his arrival. 3. When my wifes son graduated high school, he did not want to work or go to school so he moved in with his grandparents. When I tried to explain to them that they need to make him go to work or school, his grandfather told me in a tone of voice to " stay out of his life, he lives with us now" I have not been to their house since last Christmas.

[chicagopizza]

I'm sorry for your situation, Tstorm. Pretty nervy of him to say that to you. It sounds like you and your wife want the best for her son and gramps doesn't get that. I understand your point, how will he ever be able to take care of himself if he has everything handed to him? I agree. It seems like a disservice to her son in the long run, but it's their way of showing love to him, I guess. Either way, to talk to you like that was downright rude. I hope it gets better for you.

We've been married 8 years. She's religious, so she doesn't support divorce, but she can't accept that we are happily married. I have no clue what she's trying to achieve. And my poor husband is caught in the middle. A breather may be a good idea. We took guidelines from a book about civility, but now they each want to create their own rules to make it fair for them -wondering if it is just a way to crab about how I need to change...maybe I'm paranoid. I feel so selfish writing about this considering what has happened in Cancun and the surrounding areas and here I am complaining when I have a warm bed and a roof over my head. I hope Florida fares better and that people stay safe.

Anyhow, thanks again for letting me vent and for all of your responses! I wish I could send them to his family! Dave is a great guy- his mom and dad raised him well. She does have some nice qualities -she's funny, kind to animals and "blood" family, and is a talented quilter. Every one of us have at least one good quality and each of you are so caring. I'm lucky to have your support. Thanks again! I'm off to catch the rest of the White Sox game with Dave so I'll catch you all later. Go Sox!!

[chicagopizza]

Sorry. My fault. Is there any way for me to remove my duplicate posts?

[O Town]

You have to PM a mod or they will see it and take care of it.
Well you sound like you are in a much better mood. And are very positve about his whole thing, that is great. Glad to hear it. Take care.