TWW'S CRAZY NEWS STORIES

[AussieMark]

If you take a leek, beware

BRUSSELS (Reuters) - Belgian police warned thieves Friday who made off with leeks from a vegetable farm: don't eat them -- they could be toxic.

The robbers stole 440 pounds of leeks, a main ingredient of Vichyssoise soup, but police warned that the vegetables should have stayed in the ground another six weeks to be safe after treatment with toxic pesticides.

Police told consumers to beware of leeks with a strange smell which could indicate they were from the stolen batch from the farm in the West Flanders town of Izegem, Belga news agency said.

[TexasStooge]

If you take a leek, beware

BRUSSELS (Reuters) - Belgian police warned thieves Friday who made off with leeks from a vegetable farm: don't eat them -- they could be toxic.

The robbers stole 440 pounds of leeks, a main ingredient of Vichyssoise soup, but police warned that the vegetables should have stayed in the ground another six weeks to be safe after treatment with toxic pesticides.

Police told consumers to beware of leeks with a strange smell which could indicate they were from the stolen batch from the farm in the West Flanders town of Izegem, Belga news agency said.

It's all on them.

[AussieMark]

New Orleans 'mourners' bid adieu to Katrina

NEW ORLEANS (Reuters) An impromptu entourage of "mourners" dressed in costume marched through New Orleans's French Quarter on Sunday in a jazz infused, alcohol-laced mock funeral procession for Hurricane Katrina.

Following a quartet of musicians playing funeral dirges, a couple of dozen revelers tossed beads to tourists and neighborhood residents as they wound their way through the historic district now coming back to life.

Like traditional Mardi Gras parades, the quartet was followed by a group of mourners wearing costumes, day-glow wigs, makeup and carrying provocative props. Two floats, one bearing a fake coffin with an expletive-laden adieu to Katrina, took up the rear.

On the narrow, debris-strewn streets, the marchers passed masked cleanup crews, troops, rescue workers and a small number of tourists, now are trickling back into the city.

Dawn Tolley, a mourner who chose to retire in New Orleans, held a ferret named Disaster while sipping a beer and throwing strings of plastic beads to bystanders who stepped out of bars to greet the parade.

"We needed to bid farewell to Hurricane Katrina," Tolley said, stroking the ferret she rescued from a cage as floodwaters rose. "She needs to be put to rest forever."

The storm decimated parts of the city, but Tolley said the essence of New Orleans, its carefree optimism, remains and must be protected.

"We're going to bring this city back one parade at a time," agreed Ray Kern, who carried bits of Katrina foliage studded with beads.

Dressed in a faux fur costume of iridescent green with a matching balaclava, mourner Jamie Dell'Apa said the theme of the parade was less important than the parade itself.

"Do we even need a theme to do this in New Orleans," said Dell'Apa, who was decked out as a sniper protecting a golf course green.

The raucous group also took on political issues.

J.L. Goldstein, dressed in a white tuxedo embroidered with bright blue Stars of David, said officials must avoid a quick fix like boosting gambling and instead look to the arts community and "street people" to regain the city's luster.

"There needs to be a long term approach," Goldstein said. "In the meantime, we will keep doing this."

Visitors are slowly returning to the tourist dependent city, but the sight of a familiar French Quarter tradition was also music to many residents' ears.

Chris Chandler, who lives in the French Quarter and hid from police in his apartment after Katrina hit on August 29, said the return of street music was a welcome reminder of better days.

"I walked these streets for days when there was nobody here," he said as he snapped photographs of the procession outside Johnny White's, a bar that never closed its doors before or after the storm. "It was like a dream, it seems to me now. This is the city I remember."

[AussieMark]

Sex workers want rights, end to discrimination

BRUSSELS (Reuters) - European sex workers called for their profession to be recognized as work Monday, saying they deserved the same social rights as other employees.

Male and female sex workers from the International Committee on the Rights of Sex Workers in Europe (ICRSE) held a news conference in the European Parliament, urging the 25-nation European Union to end discrimination of the sex industry.

"What we do is work and we want it recognized as that," said British sex worker Ruth Morgan Thomas from Scotland.

In many European states, the sex industry flourishes in the black market where women are trafficked from poor countries to work as prostitutes in Europe. Their passports are often stolen to prevent their escape out of sex slavery.

Prostitution is legal in some EU states and tolerated in most European countries, but laws on prostitution and the legal rights of sex workers vary across the EU.

The sex workers said regulating the sector would curb exploitation and boost prostitutes' willingness to pay tax in return for rights and social protection.

Camille Cabral, representing French sex workers and wearing pink stickers reading "Sluts Unite" and "Whore Power," said it was time to end the stigma associated with the sex industry.

"You shouldn't hide yourselves, you shouldn't be ashamed," she said. "All societies should accept and give (the same) sort of statute to this profession as to any other."

[AussieMark]

Jobs abound in New Orleans, housing is obstacle

NEW ORLEANS (Reuters) - If you were seeking work in New Orleans in the months before Hurricane Katrina hit, chances are you had to fight to get an employer's attention. Now all you need to do is show up and perhaps pass a drug test.

Workers have become a precious commodity in the Mardi Gras capital as it flickers back to life seven weeks after Katrina came ashore, submerging entire neighborhoods in a ferocious tidal surge.

Signs advertising jobs dot the landscape of this devastated city, even in areas that bore the brunt of Katrina's fury. In St. Bernard Parish, a working-class district that suffered extensive flooding, companies search high and low for help.

At a job fair on Sunday, one of many held in the city in recent weeks, Paul Day was among those in the hunt for workers.

"We've got jobs for people," said Day, a trainer with Fluor Corp., a California-based engineering firm that has been contracted by the federal government to help rebuild New Orleans and other parts of the Gulf Coast.

"If they can pass the drug screen, they'll get work," said Day, as he manned a booth at the fair. He said a few dozen people had come by in the past two days to inquire about working for the company.

He and other prospective employers said the lack of available housing in the city was a major obstacle for those looking for jobs. The hurricane damaged thousands of homes and many remain uninhabitable.

The city is working on a plan to house people in makeshift trailer parks, hotels and even on unused military bases, but it concedes it is counting on the private sector to ease the crunch by offering workers temporary accommodation.

Although Katrina destroyed hundreds of businesses in New Orleans, prompting tens of thousands to file for unemployment benefits, it opened up opportunities for others.

Construction firms, many of them with contracts provided by the Federal Emergency Management Agency, are among those attempting to fill what officials concede is a gaping hole in the local economy.

Hotels, restaurants and bars, in turn, are scrambling to serve the newcomers and going to great lengths to find workers. Some are offering bonuses of $1,000 or more to job applicants who agree to stay for a year.

New Orleans Mayor Ray Nagin, who ordered the city's 450,000 residents to evacuate last month, has been encouraging people to return to the city. At a rally last week in Metairie, a New Orleans suburb, he told job seekers they could expect to make "serious money" if they came home.

[AussieMark]

Birds battle buttocks, bike for top UK art prize

LONDON (Reuters) - A pink hummingbird battled with a weather-beaten shed Monday for the Turner prize, one of the world's most contentious art awards, but they face stiff competition from a pair of pallid buttocks.

The quirky nature of the Turner prize entries invariably draws scorn from the critics, but up to 100,000 people flock to the Tate Britain museum every year to judge for themselves.

Simon Starling pitched for the 25,000 pound prize this year with an electric bicycle he rode across a Spanish desert and "Shedboatshed" -- a shed he turned into a boat, floated down the Rhine and then rebuilt as a shed again.

For those seeking enlightenment as to what it all means, he explained that his works were "the physical manifestation of my thought process."

Jim Lambie takes the shortlist prize for the most lurid exhibit -- garishly painted bird ornaments he found in a junk shop and laid out in a technicolor room that looks like a psychedelic trip from the Sixties.

Gillian Carnegie, one of the rare painters picked by Turner judges over the years, offered up for competition her "bum paintings."

Seeking to explain their purport, her Tate Britain biography said: "While apparently following the conventions of representational painting, Carnegie challenges its established languages and unsettles its assumptions."

The shortlist for the prize, to be presented live on television on December 5, is completed by Darren Almond's four-screen video installation showing his grandmother returning to the Blackpool seaside ballroom where she danced on her honeymoon.

The Turner offers Britain's scandal-hungry tabloids an annual opportunity to mock.

This year offers plenty of grist to the mill, but Tate Britain director Stephen Deuchar insisted British modern art was "in roaringly good health.

"I think in the last five to six years people have become much less scared of contemporary art. This is one of the most engaging and accessible of Turner shortlists," he told Reuters.

This is one of the few contemporary art shows that touches the public," he added, and few would dispute the Turner's ability to stir up controversy.

In 1998, Chris Ofili won the Turner with a Virgin Mary figure made of elephant dung. In 1995 Damien Hirst won with a pickled sheep.

Artist Tony Kaye once tried to submit a homeless steel worker as his entry while pop superstar Madonna notoriously swore live on television when presenting the prize in 2001 to Martin Creed's bare room with a light that switched on and off.

[AussieMark]

U.S. rejects Katrina meals, offers them to others

WASHINGTON (Reuters) - The United States on Friday offered needy countries more than 330,000 packaged meals donated by Britain to feed Hurricane Katrina victims but rejected due to a U.S. ban on British beef.

State Department spokesman Adam Ereli said the "Meals Ready to Eat," or MREs, had been held in a warehouse in Little Rock, Arkansas, for more than a month after U.S. Agriculture Department officials said they could not be distributed in the United States because they contained British beef products.

"We are certainly, for our part, looking to dispose of these MREs that were offered in the spirit of friendship and charity. We are looking to dispose of them in the same way," Ereli told a State Department briefing.

The United States bans the import of products containing British beef because of fears of mad cow disease, a chronic, degenerative disease affecting the central nervous system of cattle.

An additional 33,000 MREs from Germany, Russia, Spain and France had also not been distributed to hurricane victims because of U.S. legal restrictions, Ereli said without elaborating.

More than 100 nations offered assistance to the United States after Hurricane Katrina devastated New Orleans and other U.S. Gulf Coast communities on August 29.

The U.S. relief effort to help victims of the hurricane was criticized as too slow and inefficient and bogged down by bureaucracy and in-fighting among government departments.

Early on, there was a need for about 500,000 readily packaged meals and the State Department asked its embassies worldwide to seek food donations. Britain was among the first countries to offer MREs.

The State Department said it did not want to appear ungrateful for the British donation and that it was working hard to pass on the meals to another country in need.

"We obviously want to find needy populations and get them these supplies as soon as possible, because if you need them, you need them now. So we're eager to resolve this soon," said Ereli, adding he did not know what the expiration dates were on the food packages.

[AussieMark]

Half-century in mental asylum a mistake..

SILCHANG, India (Reuters) - More than half-a-century ago, Machal Lalung was thought to be insane and sent to a mental asylum in India's remote northeast.

A few months ago, he was set free after the National Human Rights Commission found that healthcare authorities had made a mistake and Lalung suffered only from epilepsy.

Lalung's confinement for 54 years has shocked rights activists and mental health experts in a country where it is not uncommon for people to be branded insane and locked up in homes or asylums for months, if not a few years.

"Machal Lalung's case was not in our knowledge but once it was brought to our notice, we immediately completed all legal formalities to secure his release," Assam's Home Minister Rokybul Hussain told Reuters.

"I am really sorry for him," he said.

That comes as small consolation for the 77-year-old frail tribal man, who was 23 when he was sent to the state-run mental hospital in the Assamese city of Tezpur.

Fifty-four years with psychiatric patients has dulled his senses, made him forget his family, his tribal dialect and even the taste of the food he liked.

His life before entering the asylum is nothing but a blip in his memory. So is the story of how and who brought him to the mental home. Doctors who treated Lalung have retired and records about him are missing.

Today Lalung said he awaits peace in death.

"I feel sad at what happened to my life but there is no use grumbling now. I am just waiting for death," he told Reuters at his nephew's home in Silchang village, about 55 miles east of Assam's main city of Guwahati.

"Initially, I used to miss my family and always begged my wardens to send me home. But they never listened to me," he said with tears in his eyes.

Lalung's only family members -- his father and elder sister -- are dead. He lives with his sister's son who grew up listening to stories about his uncle's disappearance.

It was in fact the nephew who managed to trace Lalung after a man from their village had gone to the same mental hospital for treatment and saw Lalung.

"It was very difficult to stay with insane people in the same room but gradually I got used to it," Lalung said.

Today, despite his poor health, Lalung likes to work in a small vegetable garden outside the house, carrying a spade and a pouch containing a tobacco and betel nut snack to chew.

Although there were many women in the hospital, Lalung never tried to make friends with them or consider marriage.

"Who would want to marry an insane woman?" he asks.

[AussieMark]

Policemen steal ambassador's phone

SOFIA (Reuters) - Two Bulgarian border policemen caught red-handed after stealing a mobile telephone belonging to U.S. ambassador John Beyrle could face up to 10 years in prison, officials said Monday.

The two took the expensive telephone after Beyrle left it by an X-ray machine at Varna airport, where they worked. They denied having seen the phone when the ambassador called to inquire about it, but the hi-tech gadget's inbuilt tracking system led to its eventual location in one of the men's pockets.

Bulgaria's Interior Ministry said the two policemen would be fired and their superiors disciplined following the incident.

[rainstorm]

Half-century in mental asylum a mistake..

SILCHANG, India (Reuters) - More than half-a-century ago, Machal Lalung was thought to be insane and sent to a mental asylum in India's remote northeast.

A few months ago, he was set free after the National Human Rights Commission found that healthcare authorities had made a mistake and Lalung suffered only from epilepsy.

Lalung's confinement for 54 years has shocked rights activists and mental health experts in a country where it is not uncommon for people to be branded insane and locked up in homes or asylums for months, if not a few years.

"Machal Lalung's case was not in our knowledge but once it was brought to our notice, we immediately completed all legal formalities to secure his release," Assam's Home Minister Rokybul Hussain told Reuters.

"I am really sorry for him," he said.

That comes as small consolation for the 77-year-old frail tribal man, who was 23 when he was sent to the state-run mental hospital in the Assamese city of Tezpur.

Fifty-four years with psychiatric patients has dulled his senses, made him forget his family, his tribal dialect and even the taste of the food he liked.

His life before entering the asylum is nothing but a blip in his memory. So is the story of how and who brought him to the mental home. Doctors who treated Lalung have retired and records about him are missing.

Today Lalung said he awaits peace in death.

"I feel sad at what happened to my life but there is no use grumbling now. I am just waiting for death," he told Reuters at his nephew's home in Silchang village, about 55 miles east of Assam's main city of Guwahati.

"Initially, I used to miss my family and always begged my wardens to send me home. But they never listened to me," he said with tears in his eyes.

Lalung's only family members -- his father and elder sister -- are dead. He lives with his sister's son who grew up listening to stories about his uncle's disappearance.

It was in fact the nephew who managed to trace Lalung after a man from their village had gone to the same mental hospital for treatment and saw Lalung.

"It was very difficult to stay with insane people in the same room but gradually I got used to it," Lalung said.

Today, despite his poor health, Lalung likes to work in a small vegetable garden outside the house, carrying a spade and a pouch containing a tobacco and betel nut snack to chew.

Although there were many women in the hospital, Lalung never tried to make friends with them or consider marriage.

"Who would want to marry an insane woman?" he asks.

very sad

[TexasStooge]

Half-century in mental asylum a mistake..

SILCHANG, India (Reuters) - More than half-a-century ago, Machal Lalung was thought to be insane and sent to a mental asylum in India's remote northeast.

A few months ago, he was set free after the National Human Rights Commission found that healthcare authorities had made a mistake and Lalung suffered only from epilepsy.

Lalung's confinement for 54 years has shocked rights activists and mental health experts in a country where it is not uncommon for people to be branded insane and locked up in homes or asylums for months, if not a few years.

"Machal Lalung's case was not in our knowledge but once it was brought to our notice, we immediately completed all legal formalities to secure his release," Assam's Home Minister Rokybul Hussain told Reuters.

"I am really sorry for him," he said.

That comes as small consolation for the 77-year-old frail tribal man, who was 23 when he was sent to the state-run mental hospital in the Assamese city of Tezpur.

Fifty-four years with psychiatric patients has dulled his senses, made him forget his family, his tribal dialect and even the taste of the food he liked.

His life before entering the asylum is nothing but a blip in his memory. So is the story of how and who brought him to the mental home. Doctors who treated Lalung have retired and records about him are missing.

Today Lalung said he awaits peace in death.

"I feel sad at what happened to my life but there is no use grumbling now. I am just waiting for death," he told Reuters at his nephew's home in Silchang village, about 55 miles east of Assam's main city of Guwahati.

"Initially, I used to miss my family and always begged my wardens to send me home. But they never listened to me," he said with tears in his eyes.

Lalung's only family members -- his father and elder sister -- are dead. He lives with his sister's son who grew up listening to stories about his uncle's disappearance.

It was in fact the nephew who managed to trace Lalung after a man from their village had gone to the same mental hospital for treatment and saw Lalung.

"It was very difficult to stay with insane people in the same room but gradually I got used to it," Lalung said.

Today, despite his poor health, Lalung likes to work in a small vegetable garden outside the house, carrying a spade and a pouch containing a tobacco and betel nut snack to chew.

Although there were many women in the hospital, Lalung never tried to make friends with them or consider marriage.

"Who would want to marry an insane woman?" he asks.

How would they feel if I come bustin' through their home and lock them up in an insane asylum for 1/2 a century or more?

[AussieMark]

Washington's baby panda named

WASHINGTON (Reuters) - Only 100 days old, and already baby panda Tai Shan has his face on T-shirts at the U.S. National Zoo, after a naming ceremony on Monday punctuated by drumbeats, a clanging gong and Chinese lion dancers.

Tai Shan, which means "peaceful mountain," got his name according to Chinese custom and as the result of a public online contest in which more than 202,000 people voted.

The 13-pound (6 kilogram) guest of honor remained in seclusion with his mother, Mei Xiang, during the ceremony outside the zoo's panda exhibit, as dignitaries from China offered their congratulations.

"The peoples of China and the United States are brought closer together by the happiness of this panda family," said Minister Zheng Zeguang, deputy chief of mission for the Chinese Embassy in Washington. "The 100th day is an important milestone in life. Let us hope that from this day on, Tai Shan will grow stronger and win the hearts of his American hosts."

"Tai Shan is a result of the love between the two giant pandas Mei Xiang and Tian Tian and also represents the great feeling between the American and Chinese people," Yan Xun, deputy director of the conservation department of the Peoples Republic of China, said through an interpreter.

Tai Shan was conceived by artificial insemination after zoo scientists determined that Mei Xiang and male panda Tian Tian did not successfully mate. The cub was born July 9.

Naming contest winner Rod Sallee of Harpers Ferry, West Virginia, was selected from a random drawing of voters to get a private visit with the giant panda family.

The zoo does not plan to let the public see Tai Shan until December. However, the cub's progress is being documented online at http://nationalzoo.si.edu/Animals/GiantPandas/. The site includes two live "panda cams," one of which showed mother and baby lolling on their backs at one point on Monday.

It also features updates on Tai Shan's progress. On Sunday, observers thought they saw the first sign of play when Tai Shan went nose to nose with Mei Xiang and then swatted her with his paw.

Not far from the panda exhibit, visitors could purchase Tai Shan T-shirts, and such other panda paraphernalia as plush dolls, backpacks, coffee mugs, tote bags, coin purses, Christmas tree ornaments and "Save the Pandas" wristbands.

The panda birth has been good news for the National Zoo, which has weathered a series of setbacks, notably the deaths of 48 large animals since 1998, including two red pandas, a lion and a zebra. An investigation by the National Research Council found problems with staff training, workplace culture and strategic planning.

One day before the panda-naming ceremony, the zoo euthanized a 2-year-old giraffe after weeks of treatment for complications associated with skin cancer.

[AussieMark]

Murder trial halted as lawyer's wife killed

SAN FRANCISCO (Reuters) - A Superior Court judge declared a mistrial on Monday in the case of a woman accused of killing her husband after the defense attorney's own wife was murdered over the weekend.

Daniel Horowitz is an attorney who provided frequent television commentary on high-profile cases involving defendants including Scott Peterson and Michael Jackson.

He was also part of the defense team for Pavlo Lazarenko, the former Ukrainian prime minister convicted of extortion and laundering money through California banks.

In his latest case taking place near San Francisco, Horowitz was representing Susan Polk, a woman accused of killing her much older husband who had once served as her therapist when she was a teenager.

The lawyer's wife was killed on Saturday in the suburban town of Lafayette, prompting the judge in the Polk case to declared a mistrial, with a new date to be set in December.

"They're going to solve this very, very quickly," Ivan Golde, Horowitz's co counsel on the Polk case, told reporters. "Then Dan and I are going to get back to this case."

Investigators have not made any arrests in the latest murder.

[AussieMark]

Pampered pets -- fashion victims with painted nails

LONDON (Reuters) - Fed up with pets that look scruffy, dirty or straggly?

Then why not spruce them up with fur highlights, add a party look by painting their nails, or spray them with their own special eau de toilette?

It's all possible thanks to 465 sometimes bizarre beauty products launched so far this year for the world's pampered pets, Consumer research group Mintel said Tuesday.

"For many pet owners, their animals are as loved and pampered as their own children, and deserve to be groomed and cared for with the best products," Mintel's David Jago said.

"On an extreme level, we have even seen cosmetic products that allow pets to imitate their owner's beauty regimes."

Style-conscious cats and dogs can now be treated to nail polishes -- available in a range of colors from scarlet to gloss -- while they can also have their fur dyed gold, orange or pink.

For overweight or stressed-out animals, there are numerous weight control supplements, relaxation sprays and "chill" pills.

"Pets have for some time been seen as a type of fashion accessory, particularly amongst the celebrity set, with the likes of Paris Hilton, Uma Thurman and Geri Halliwell rarely seen without their dog in a bag," Jago said.

"These new products seem to be tapping into this trend and allowing owners to color-coordinate their look with that of their pets."

Of course though, once your pooch has been spruced up it could start attracting unwanted attention.

But don't worry -- a firm in the Netherlands has produced "No Love Spray" which promises to neutralize the sexual scent of female dogs.

[AussieMark]

Lose weight, enjoy a better sex life: study

VANCOUVER, British Columbia (Reuters) - Obese women who start to lose weight will also see an improvement in the quality of their sex lives, according to a U.S. study released Monday.

Even a moderate weight loss reduced complaints of feeling sexually unattractive and led to improved desire, according to the study presented at the annual meeting of The North American Association for the Study of Obesity (NAASO) in Vancouver.

"If people experience benefits and rewards from their weight loss and health efforts, it may motivate them to continue a healthy lifestyle," said Martin Binks, director of behavioral health at the Duke Diet and Fitness Center in Durham, North Carolina.

Researchers who tracked 161 obese women participating in a prescription weight loss program in Minnesota found almost two-thirds reported problems with aspects of their sex life when the study began.

Within the first year, the percentage of women who said they had problems with sexual desire dropped to 15 percent from 39 percent and the number who felt they were sexually unattractive dropped to 26 percent from 68 percent.

The Minnesota weight loss program lasted for two years, but health officials said it was normal for the majority of the weight loss to be in the first year.

The researchers said they found similar results in a survey of 26 obese men in the Minnesota weight-loss program, but cautioned that the small number of male participants made it difficult to draw conclusions from that data.

Health officials say there has been a dramatic increase in obesity in North America in the past two decades, and 64 percent of adults in the United States are considered to be overweight or obese.

[AussieMark]

Robbers snatch woman's purse, then return it

VALLETTA (Reuters) - Two hooded gunmen who robbed a pharmacy returned an elderly woman's purse after she told them it contained the only money she had to buy medicine, Maltese newspapers reported Tuesday.

The two men barged into a pharmacy at Marsascala, a seaside village in the south of the island, Monday and took 600 Malta liri from the till after threatening the pharmacist with their guns.

One of them grabbed the purse held by the elderly woman who was waiting to be served, then handed it back after her pleading and rushed out to a waiting motorcycle.

[AussieMark]

And now, a finishing school for men

LONDON (Reuters) - At what is being billed as the world's first finishing school for gentlemen, learning how to set the cutlery can be just as tricky as the fly fishing.

But after three days in a Scottish castle, the students emerge from a minefield of etiquette knowing everything from how much to tip the gamekeeper to how to walk with a book balanced on their heads.

"We have opened the floodgates of politeness around the world," said Diana Mather whose Finishing Academy has now attracted would-be candidates from as far afield as Canada, Pakistan and Japan.

"We are teaching British manners, which are the gold standard and the benchmark for the world," said Mather, a former actress and BBC presenter who truly believes the old adage "Manners Makyth Man."

"Good manners are ageless, priceless and classless," said Mather who charges 650 pounds for a three-day course.

"We think it is the world's first finishing school for men," she said of the academy whose first candidates ranged from a former Zimbabwean farmer out to hone his business manner to a ski instructor determined to polish his social skills.

The would-be gentlemen -- eager to boost their job prospects or just sent along by despairing mothers and girlfriends -- are given a crash course on how to cut the mustard in High Society.

Table manners and cutlery terrified the nine pathfinders on the first course. "What glasses for which wine, which knife and fork -- that was what frightened them the most," Mather said.

In deportment, they learned with the help of a book balanced on their heads "how to stand, sit and walk with stylishness and poise."

To the relief of their nearest and dearest, they were even taught basic sewing and ironing skills as well as such manly pursuits as fly fishing and clay pigeon shooting.

Scottish reels were danced "for fun and fitness" and the networking class even taught how to offer a power handshake.

"That is very important. The weak, horrible, wet fish handshake is a problem. That gives a lot away," Mather said.

The British fear their once famously polite nation is now more renowned for binge drinking and loud-mouthed, loutish behavior than for the popular image of the rolled umbrella and the stiff upper lip.

"Good manners are not taught in schools or most homes. Children with no discipline are insecure," Mather complained.

"Families don't eat together, children are not learning table manners or the art of conversation."

Feminism and political correctness, she argues, may have to shoulder some of the blame in an age of equality.

"These days do you open a door for a woman or give up your seat? Rabid feminists may not think so but most women like to be treated like a lady. A lot of women still want a knight in shining armor," she said.

[TexasStooge]

Robbers snatch woman's purse, then return it

VALLETTA (Reuters) - Two hooded gunmen who robbed a pharmacy returned an elderly woman's purse after she told them it contained the only money she had to buy medicine, Maltese newspapers reported Tuesday.

The two men barged into a pharmacy at Marsascala, a seaside village in the south of the island, Monday and took 600 Malta liri from the till after threatening the pharmacist with their guns.

One of them grabbed the purse held by the elderly woman who was waiting to be served, then handed it back after her pleading and rushed out to a waiting motorcycle.

Guess some moral fiber finally knocked some sense into those robbers.

[AussieMark]

Saddam, bin Laden are new Mexico City behavior cops

MEXICO CITY (Reuters) - Saddam Hussein, Osama bin Laden and Mother Teresa are being deployed as behavior cops in posters in the car-clogged streets of Mexico City in a campaign to stamp out bad driving, corruption and aggression.

The unlikely combo -- who may soon be joined by George W. Bush and Adolf Hitler -- appear on the posters across the city with speech bubbles telling drivers to stop paying off traffic police with bribes or parking where they shouldn't.

"For devil's sake, don't give bribes," declares a beaming image of Mother Teresa on an advertisement hoarding.

A few streets away a grave-looking Saddam warns: "Don't double-park, you could cause chaos!" while bin Laden advises pedestrians to use footbridges to cross busy roads because, he says: "I'm concerned for your life."

"It is a bit weird, especially as we're talking about civil disobedience, but it's supposed to be ironic," says Claudia Adeath, whose citizens' group "Muevete Por Tu Ciudad" (Do Something For Your City) is behind the posters.

Each campaign poster bears the slogan: "Who else do you need to hear it from before you take notice?".

"It's a way to get people's attention," Adeath says. "We want this to create a stir. We are all fed up of living in this urban chaos. Doing battle with other drivers each day is a tremendous waste of energy and it generates rage in people."

Like city dwellers across the world, Mexico City's 18 million residents -- known in local slang as "Chilangos" -- have a reputation for being loud, aggressive and rushed.

Moving through the sprawling polluted capital, one of the world's biggest, can feel like hacking through a battleground as you fend off pushy street vendors, eyes peeled for thieves, and watching out for dog excrement or garbage.

Pedestrians cross roads at their peril and are often jostled by cars. Bus stops are a mass of shoving bodies.

"London is chaotic too but people obey the law. I've never been bumped by a car there like I have here," said Adeath.

Mexico City drivers tend to bully their way through traffic ignoring rules and red lights, shoving into gaps and blocking other cars.

"If you want to change lanes never use your indicator," a Chilango recently advised a newcomer. "It gives away your strategy. Everyone will squash up to stop you getting in."

Roads are often clogged by illegally parked cars and delivery vans. Junctions get blocked when cars refuse to hold back and leave space for when the lights change. Cars parked in the street routinely collect dents.

"Every big city has its problems but Chilangos have reached extreme levels of disrespect, aggression and intolerance. We want a city with more harmony and respect," said Adeath.

Her group has designed tickets with a thumbs-down sign that can be printed off its Web site and stuck on offending cars.

Backed by local publicity firms, it has posters on some 50 billboards and in bus stops and metro stations. It hopes to add dozens more and keep them up for a year or longer.

[AussieMark]

Toying with revolution, Chavez doll on sale

CARACAS, Venezuela (Reuters) - Move over Ken and Barbie, the revolution is here.

Venezuela's President Hugo Chavez, whom critics accuse of trying to introduce communism in Venezuela, has been modeled into an action doll with his trademark red beret and distinctive mole, according to an online offer.

The 51-cm (20-inch) "revolutionary doll" costs $16 and gives soundbites from the talkative president, according to the offer posted on Internet shopping site and eBay partner MercadoLibre by a seller on Venezuela's Margarita Island.

"Great present for compatriots, birthdays, Christmas and surprises," reads the offer for the action figure, which says the doll comes in uniform or a revolutionary red jacket.

A spokeswoman at MercadoLibre could not give any sales figures for the doll.

Supporters of Chavez praise the former army officer for helping Venezuela's poor majority with social programs financed by oil revenues and his admirers in Caracas sell T-shirts, posters and watches printed with his face.

Opponents blast his self-styled revolution as a carbon-copy of the communist model of his ally Cuban leader Fidel Castro.