Who says cops don't have a sense of humor?

[azsnowman]

The following were taken off of actual police videos from around the country:

"Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll stretch out after you wear them for awhile."

"Take your hands off the car, and I'll make your birth certificate a worthless document."

"If you run, you'll only go to jail tired."

"Can you run faster than 1,200 feet per second? In case you didn't know, this is the average speed of a 9mm bullet fired from my gun."

"So you don't know how fast you were going? I guess that means I can write anything on the ticket huh?"

"Yes, Sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don't think it will help you. Oh....did I mention I was the shift supervisor?"

"WARNING!?" You want a WARNING? O.K., I'm warning you not to do that again or I'll give you another ticket!"

"The answer to this last question will determine where you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or dog?"

"Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you go to ride on rides, eat cotton candy, and step in monkey poop."

"Yeah, I have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toast oven."

"In God we trust, all other we run through NCIC."

"In God we trust, all other get searched."

Dennis

[JQ Public]

"The answer to this last question will determine where you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or dog?"

HAHAHHA!

[O Town]

Good ones

"Can you run faster than 1,200 feet per second? In case you didn't know, this is the average speed of a 9mm bullet fired from my gun."


My favorite.

[texasweatherwatcher]

"If you run, you'll only go to jail tired."

"So you don't know how fast you were going? I guess that means I can write anything on the ticket huh?"

"WARNING!?" You want a WARNING? O.K., I'm warning you not to do that again or I'll give you another ticket!"

"The answer to this last question will determine where you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or dog?"

Those were the funniest.

[breeze]

"So you don't know how fast you were going? I guess that means I can write anything on the ticket huh?"

THAT one was MY favorite!

[azsnowman]

I forgot a coupla:

"You didn't think we gave pretty women tickets? You're right, we don't. Sign here!"

"Just how BIG were those two beers?"

"I'm glad to hear the Chief of Police is a good personal friend of yours. At least you know someone who can post your bail."

"No sir we don't have quotas anymore. We used to have quotas but now we're allowed to write as many tickets as we want to."


Dennis

[breeze]

"Just how BIG were those two beers?"

I used to work in a hospital ER, and, every soul that
came in for a Blood Alcohol had always drank only
"two beers". Amazing how low their alcohol tolerance was...

We had one sweet little old lady that the county officers
brought in for a BA, one night, after she'd flew through
a red light, rammed a police car, then, swerved and
nailed a light pole. She was completely uninjured, and,
swore to us, the whole time, that she'd merely "sipped
the suds" off of the top of her son's beer before
tossing the can in the trash!

[kevin]

Isa onlt had 2 bears!

[O Town]

yes ocifer only 2.