STORM2K

I am just curious if there is anyone out there that has a "normal" relationship with their mother-in-law / father-in-law. I get along with most people, but my mother-in-law...she says that thinking of me is "like a cancer eating away at her soul".

I know that this is nothing compared to current events and I would take this problem any day over the hurricane victims. I also realize there are 2 sides to every story, but I have apologized for everything I can think of with no apologies from her. Even my husband can't get through to her. I was just wondering how many people have this same issue as me.

Ellen - hey your MIL sounds a little like MY mom! You see I've been blessed with two very nice MIL's. In my first marriage, which lasted almost 8 years, it was actually harder for me to say goodbye to his family, than him! I missed that family for a long time.

Then I remarried, very happily I might add. So much more than my first marriage.

But my second MIL was a true saint but I only had her for 7 years, I feel robbed I didn't have her longer. Mother of 6, never interfered, never criticized, never hovered, hounded anyone, you could not keep her on the phone longer than 5 minutes. I'd be trying to keep her on longer, asking how she and my FIL were and she'd say - oh I know you're so busy with the kids, I'll let you go. And off the phone she'd be. I used to think it was something I did but my husband would just smile. Saying this was her way - loving, supportive, never critical but always there if you needed her.

She is the mother I most want to be like. Even if half the time I can be like her, that would make me happy! Of course my own mother would have a fit if she heard me say this.......well, she is most like Marie Barone, from the former TV show Everybody Loves Raymond. To give you my best example. She is impossible to get along with. We all just smile, bite our tongues and try to keep the peace. Which isn't easy. And then I usually look to the Heavens above, and say a prayer to my MIL (second one!), asking her to please guide me thru life, as my girls move into their adult years.

I wish I could give you a magic formula that works with my mom. For about 10 years now I've played a game in my head, when she zings another barb at me or a very critical comment, I say oh thank you for the compliment mom! And smile as if my face is going to crack. Which makes her more upset - hrrrmmmmpppphhhh, and off she goes. In a snit. My brothers keep asking me why I do this and the best reason I can come up with is it does no good to argue with her or say, how rude of you to say that! I either just repeat what she just said to me, very slowly for full effect, raising my voice on the last word, or I pretend it was a nice comment.

You could always try this. Dr. Phil would probably say it isn't healthy though.

Mary

Mary,
My mom is like your mother-in-law. Polite, but unintrusive. I cry buckets of tears -laughter-watching "Everybody Loves Raymond" repeats!

Things have gotten worse since I stood up for myself after 8 years of silence, which she consisidered disrespectful. Our attorney suggested me ending ties with her, so I sent a civil goodbye note saying we just do not have anything in common, but I wished her well and was grateful for the good job she did raising her son. However, my husband's family thinks I am playing the victim and being selfish. His mom keeps on trying to pull me back in, but on her terms -which include verbal attacks without me defending myself in return because "I am just expressing my opinion and you can not fault me for that. Honor thy parents...etc."

My husband feels the same as me, but if there is some way to fix this, I have to know. Plus I wanted to see if this is just par for the course. Like I said, this problem is little comparatively, but I hate this situation.

My only in-law is my brother-in-law Mike and he's a great guy...but sometimes naturally my folks and I have a hard time figuring him and my sister Retha out with some of the decisions they make and do at times...but I reckon they probably feel the same way towards my folks and I and what we do at times in our lives...goes both ways naturally.

But like I said earlier...Mike's a great guy and we feel very blessed having him in our family! His sister Melanie and her family and their folks are very nice, too.

Eric

My FIL is a really nice guy...my mother in law is one of the nastiest pieces of work I have come across.

On a lighter note, I found a tv show looking for contestants (Ireland, Iceland, can't remeber) to do, basically, an in-law wife swap show. Can you imagine?

Mary: I felt the same way about my ex-MIL! We still talk on the phone often (of course, I do have half of her grandchildren living with me ) and she stays here a few times a year to visit the kids (she lives about 3 hours away and her son doesn't let her see the kids as often as she would like). We are still like family - we lived in the same small town for over 7 years when I was married to her son, and we developed a great relationship.

Kim

JUst fine...as long as they stay where they are.

This is one very good reason why I NEVER go to their annual "family reunions"; I didn't like The Dukes of Hazzard when it was on the air, much less in-person on a yearly basis.

Actually, not TOO bad.....sadly, my mother in law passed away about 17 months ago, she was a SWEET woman my father in law, he's COOL.....now, my SISTER in LAW YES....Michelles EVIL IDENTICAL twin she's ANOTHER story. Don't get me wrong, we get along, I love her to death, however, I just can't STAND someone who THINKS MONEY is "EVERYTHING!" She's so materialistic!! She's VERY generous with her money, there's NO denying THAT.....it's just, well......let's just say her life style and ours don't mix, like oil and water!

Dennis

Dennis,

I am sorry to hear about your mother-in-law's passing. My father-in-law is a sweet person, like your mother-in-law sounds like she was. And, of course, I love my husband! So, what is that Meatloaf song, "Two out of Three ain't bad.."? While I wish my mother-in-law well, I'm thankful to live far away from her!

streetsoldier wrote:JUst fine...as long as they stay where they are.

This is one very good reason why I NEVER go to their annual "family reunions"; I didn't like The Dukes of Hazzard when it was on the air, much less in-person on a yearly basis.

But outside of the family reunions...wasn't there surely something that you found amusing about the series?

Was one of my favorite series of all time!

WHAT inlaws?

I have been one of the luckiest women in the world when it comes to inlaws even when they became ex-inlaws. My mom-in-law told me very quickly that just because my husband and I were splitting it didn't mean she and dad were going to leave me too. I have also remained close to all my husband's brothers, sisters, and their families. We were married for almost 30 years and our families (mine and his) were very close all that time. It helps, of course, that my ex and I have managed to remain friendly and helpful to each other for the 15 years since our divorce. Life is so much easier when you are not constantly fighting with someone.

My MIL is widowed and lives with us.

She's a kind hearted lady, but is deteriorating physically and mentally. It seems that my wife has some unresolved childhood issues so it seems that I get along better with my MIL than her own daughter.

I get along great with mine....because I don't have any!

I DO get along with the ex-folks, though - I never blamed them for
their son's bad behavior - we still send Christmas cards!

my mother-in law is a very nice and down to earth women.....i couldnt have asked for a better MIL!!!!

I've got wonderful, wonderful in-laws. I even work with them! I am closer to my mil than i was my own mother. Sure we have our disagreements but i wouldn't want any other mil. I love her to death. My fil is a great person also. And my sil's and bil ..... i'm closer to them than my own brothers. They've told me if my husband and i ever divorce, he would be out of the family cuz they aren't giving me up!

Well I never really liked my Inlaws.. But ofcourse I was nice as could be to them and very respectfull.. Just what you have to do for your other half.. However now that we are no longer together and they are no longer my in laws I would like to pull there toe nails off one by one with a pair of pliers.. Answer your question? lol

I loved my MIL and FIL dearly. Sadly they are gone now. However, I am still close to my ex-husband's brothers and sisters. Daughter #3 commented with laughter the other day, "Mom, you're the only person I know who would spend Thanksgiving with ex-inlaws, especially ones who called to say they needed to have dinner at your house." Everyone brought something including the turkey, everyone was here including ex-husband, and a great time was had by all.
MomH

Our whole family seems to get along well. My parents and his parents all live with in 10 minutes of each other and us, and have since we started dating 16 years ago. As a matter of fact my mother inlaw is coming to get my 3 year old today, as she does every Tuesday, to give me a break. I am very lucky to have parents and in laws that do so much for me and my husband.

I truley hope you guys can come to some middle ground between you. You only live once, don't know why peole hold grudges toward family for so long. It really is hard on everyone around. I think she owes you a little respect as well. You did marry her son, and wheather or not you are her favirote person in the whole world shouldn't matter. If you make her son happy she should suck it up, and try to be a civil as possible. It's called respect for her son. I don't get it. I guess some people are just sorta, well nasty. And there is nothing you can do to change that. All you can do is try to be as civil as you can, I know it must be downright hard though. Anyway good luck, and I hope this doesn't end up ending her and her sons realtionship. That would be to sad.