Things to Think About

[sunny]

Accept that some days you're the pigeon, and some days you're the statue.

I can please only one person per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow isn't looking good either.

There are very few personal problems that cannot be solved through a suitable application of high explosives.

Good news is just life's way of keeping you off balance.

Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

My inferiority complex is not as good as yours.

I am having an out of money experience.

I plan on living forever. So far, so good.

I have kleptomania, but when it gets bad, I take something for it.

If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.

A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.

Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks

Never do card tricks for the group you play poker with.

Success always occurs in private and failure in full view.

The colder the x-ray table the more of your body is required on it.

The hardness of butter is directly proportional to the softness of the bread.

The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the ability to reach it.