STORM2K

Hello all. I'm Catholic and my family has been invited to the boy next door's Bar Mitzvah. So I'm confused on what is appropriate and what is not appropriate in this situation. We are unable to attend the Temple service (do you call it a service) and the catered luncheon at our Museum Center the following day (apparently a very expensive semi-formal party is planned). It is the same weekend that my own daughter makes her Confirmation. So we have many direct conflicts, that I just can't rearrange.

A coworker of my husband's who's Jewish said - just send a check and you're off the hook for all of it. He implied the service can be very long. But as I stated we are unable to attend anyway. At any other time, we would have liked to attended it.

So my questions are:

1. What gifts are appropriate (this family is very wealthy, but we are not)?

2. Does the child making a Bar Mitzvah or Bat Mitzvah even want religious type gifts?

3. Is getting a nice card and putting money or a check in it, perfectly acceptable? If so, what amount is average for neighbors to give? For any Catholic Sacramental type event (Baptism/First Communion/Confirmation) I usually try to stay in the $30 range. I go higher if the child is a Godchild.

Thanks in advance to anyone who can help me out here!!! This invite was sent out 6 weeks ahead of time. While there may be time to ponder this, I know I will be outside soon and they will inevitably bring it up. So I'd like to respond soon that we can't make it and then send a gift or check.

Mary

I have a book called "How To Be A Perfect Stranger: A Guide To Etiquette In Other People's Religious Ceremonies." It was one of the keepers I found in the huge, pack-rat collection of books that my step-dad had. I'll give it a quick scan and see if it says anything about what gifts are appropriate for Bar/Bat Mitzvahs.

Plus, don't we have a few Storm2Kers of the Jewish faith?

I just thought of something -- I think I've only seen one synagogue here on the island and I don't know of anyone who I work with, near, or know through someone else who is Jewish here in Galveston. Hmmm...that's odd.

GalvestonDuck wrote:
Plus, don't we have a few Storm2Kers of the Jewish faith?

Shawn - that's what I'm hoping for!!! I thought we had a few if not many more Storm2K'ers of the Jewish faith here too. Sure hope they see my topic.

Thanks for giving your book a looksee. No hurry, just when you have the time.

Mary

My book said that a check or US or Israel savings bond for $25 - $75 is acceptable, or a book or item of Judaica.

GalvestonDuck wrote:My book said that a check or US or Israel savings bond for $25 - $75 is acceptable, or a book or item of Judaica.

Shawn - thanks so much for checking! Really appreciate it.

Mary

Give him smthg that is related to him growing up...possibly smthg to do with school, girls, work...i dunno?! I went to one, but that was when i was 13 so i got him something a 13 old would give his friend.

JQ Public wrote:Give him smthg that is related to him growing up...possibly smthg to do with school, girls, work...i dunno?! I went to one, but that was when i was 13 so i got him something a 13 old would give his friend.

JQ - that's what I'd like to do but I think we'll send money. They're a very wealthy family, living in a modest neighborhood (income/home size). At least with money he can save it or buy what he really wants.

Mary

Mary, there are a variety of ideas if you just check out Bar Mitvah gifts on your search engine.

I was amazed that one of the girls at our learning center who had her Jewish celebration (is it Bat Mitvah?)received over $13,000 in gifts from family and friends.

Don't remember much over $75 at my Methodist confirmation party.

Hope they are not expecting you to be in THAT league!

We have attended both bar and bat mitzvah's of our Jewish friends and actually a check seems to be the favored thing to do. I know both of the kids recieved thousands of dollars.

And yes the temple service or whatever it is properly called is VERY LONG but somewhat interesting if you have never seen one.

Steve and David - thanks for the suggestions, etc. Wow, $13,000 Steve? Somehow I think this boy will receive that amount or higher. How our measley gift will help, but every little bit counts right? I can't even begin to play in their league. They must know by now we're the DIY type, they're the hire a contractor for every household job under the sun type. Oops, better be nice here. Last night I was trying to gather opinions on what to give him - $30 or $50. Laura said $50, Jim said $30 and why because you ask, his exact words - "because we're cheap!". There you have it. We can't attend any of the events or service so I guess I'd better get this in the mail......

Mary