Dumb and Dumber Criminals

[hunter84]

Dumb and Dumber

RUNNER-UP # 8 - Colorado Springs: A guy walked into a little corner store with a shot gun and demanded all the cash from the cash drawer.After the cashier put the cash in a bag, the robber saw a bottle of scotch that he wanted behind the counter on the shelf. He told the cashier to put it in the bag as well, but he refused and said "Because I don't believe you are over 21." The robber said he was, but the clerk still refused to give it to him because he didn't believe him. At this point the robber took his drivers license out of his wallet and gave it to the clerk. The clerk looked it over, and agreed that the man was in fact over 21 and he put the scotch in the bag. The robber then ran from the store with his loot. The cashier promptly called the police and gave the name and address of the robber that he: got off the license. They arrested the robber two hours later.

RUNNER-UP # 7 - A woman was reporting her car as stolen, and mentioned that there was a car phone in it. The policeman taking the report called the phone and told the guy that answered that he had read the ad in the newspaper and wanted to buy the car. They arranged to meet, and the thief was arrested.

RUNNER-UP # 6 - San Francisco: A man, wanting to rob a downtown Bank of America, walked into the branch and wrote "this is a stickup. Put all your muny in this bag." While standing in line, waiting to give his note to the teller, he began to worry that someone had seen him write the note and might call the police before he reached the teller window. So he left the Bank of America and crossed the street to Wells Fargo. After waiting a few minutes in line, he handed his note to the Wells Fargo teller. She read it and, summising from his spelling errors that he was not the brightest light in the harbour, told him that she could not accept his stickup note because it was written on a Bank of America deposit slip and that he would either have to fill out a Wells Fargo deposit slip or go back to Bank of America. Looking somewhat defeated, the man said "OK" and left. The Wells Fargo teller then called the police who arrested the man a few minutes later, as he was waiting in line! back at the Bank of America.

RUNNER-UP # 5 - From England: A motorist was unknowingly caught in an automated speed trap that measured his speed using radar and photographed his car. He later received in the mail a ticket for 40 Pounds and a photo of his car. Instead of payment, he sent the police department a photograph of 40 Pounds. Several days later, he received a letter from the police that contained another picture ... of handcuffs. The motorist promptly sent the money for the fine.

RUNNER-UP # 4 - Drug Possession Defendant Christopher Jansen, on trial in March in Pontiac, Michigan, said he had been searched without a warrant. The prosecutor said the officer didn't need a warrant because a "bulge" in Christopher's jacket could have been a gun. "Nonsense," said Christopher, who happened to be wearing the same jacket that day in court. He handed it over so the judge could see it. The judge discovered a packet of cocaine in the pocket and laughed so hard he required a five-minute recess to compose himself.

RUNNER-UP # 3 - Oklahoma City: Dennis Newton was on trial for the armed robbery of a convenience store in the district court when he fired his lawyer. Assistant district attorney Larry Jones said Newton, 47, was doing a fair job of defending himself until the store manager testified that Newton was the robber. Newton jumped up, accused the woman of lying and then said,"I should have blown your (expletive) head off." The defendant paused, then quickly added, "If I'd been the one that was there." The jury took 20 minutes to convict Newton and recommended a 30-year sentence.

RUNNER-UP # 2 - Detroit: R.C. Caitlin, 21, walked up to two patrol officers who were showing their squad car computer felon-location equipment to children in a Detroit neighbourhood. When he asked how the system worked, the officer asked him for identification. Gaitlan gave them his drivers license, they entered it into the computer, and moments later they arrested Gaitlan because information on the screen showed Gaitlan was wanted for a two-year-old armed robbery in St. Louis, Missouri.

RUNNER-UP # 1 - Another from Detroit: A pair of Michigan robbers entered a record shop nervously waving revolvers. The first one shouted, "Nobody move!" When his partner moved, the startled first bandit shot him.

THE WINNER - A Charlotte, NC, man having purchased a case of very rare, very expensive cigars, insured them against fire among other things. Within a month, having smoked his entire stockpile of cigars and without having made even his first premium payment on the policy, the man filed a claim against the insurance company. In his claim, the man stated the cigars were lost "in a series of small fires." The insurance company refused to pay, citing the obvious reason that the man had consumed the cigars in the normal fashion. The man sued....and won. In delivering the ruling the judge agreeing that the claim was frivolous, stated nevertheless that the man held a policy from the company in which it had warranted that the cigars were insurable and also guaranteed that it would insure against fire, without defining what it considered to be "unacceptable fire," and was obligated to pay the claim. Rather than endure a lengthy and costly appeal process the insurance company accepted the ruling and paid the man $15,000 for the rare cigars he lost in "the fires." After the man cashed the check, however, the company had him arrested on 24 counts of arson. With his own insurance claim and testimony from the previous case being used against him, the man was convicted of intentionally burning his insured property and sentenced to 24 months injail and a $24,000 fine.

[David]

Lol! That's sad...

[JetMaxx]

No one ever said criminals were the brightest pegs on the Lite-Brite board....and those stories are living proof

[weatherlover427]

When I saw the title I thought this would be about that dumb and dumberer movie; but now that I saw the topic itself I see that it is actually a bunch of stories of idiots. Thanks for sharing.

[JCT777]

LOL! I wonder if any of these ever made it onto the show "America's Dumbest Criminals".

[coriolis]

#5 wasn't so dumb. That was pretty clever. I'm glad that the police had a sense of humor about it.

[breeze]

LOL, you can only hope that they decide not to reproduce...

[TexasStooge]

LOL Funny stuff, I've seen dumber, thanx for sharing!

[mf_dolphin]

From the UK: Bungling raiders net haul of faulty TV sets

A gang of thieves has smashed its way into a warehouse and escaped with a haul of faulty TVs, videos and DVD players.

The south Wales raiders targeted a warehouse in Jersey Marine, near Swansea, and believed they had helped themselves to a haul worth a fortune.

But the faulty goods were being stored in the warehouse on their way back to the manufacturer after being returned by shops.

Police believe the gang could be caught when they sell on the goods to customers who will be unhappy to find their bargain buy does not work properly.

Detective Inspector Paul Stephens of Neath police warned people against taking the law into their own hands if they find they have bought a shiny new set that does not work.

The gang hit the industrial warehouse belonging to T W Williams some time over the weekend.

They escaped with 17 14in TVs and video combis, six 28 inch combi TVs and DVD players and five 32in flat screen TVs.

"The warehouse is a kind of halfway house where they are stored before they are returned to the manufacturer," DI Stephens said.

He added: "I have heard that the gang have already started to sell them in pub and club car parks.

"This is a lesson not just for the thieves but also for people buying cheap goods when they know they are probably stolen."

Police confiscate bail money because it smelled like marijuana

Police confiscated $50,000 in cash from a Vermont couple who had come to bail their daughter out of jail, claiming the money smelled like marijuana.

Police said they thought the cash could be the proceeds of drug deals.

Nikita Santor’s parents, Arlene and Martin Edward Santor of Wallingford, Vt., brought the money Dec. 21 to the Hampshire County Jail. Most of the money was in $20 bills wrapped in rubber bands, according to police.

The officer at the jail detected a “slight odor of marijuana,” according to a sworn statement. A police dog then sniffed the money and confirmed the drug smell, the police affidavit said.

According to police, the Santors told them the money came from their daughter’s friends.

Nikita Santor, 27, of Ascutney, Vt., and Michael Lenahan, 36, of Walpole, N.H., were arrested Dec. 18 on Interstate 91 in Northampton. Santor, who was driving Lenahan’s car, was pulled over for following another car too closely.

Police said the state trooper who pulled her over smelled marijuana in the car and a search recovered marijuana and $12,000.

Police said they later found other drugs, cash and a handgun in Santor’s and Lenahan’s homes.

Both pleaded innocent to possession of marijuana with intent to distribute.

The district attorney’s office is seeking to keep the $50,000 brought to bail out Santor, who remains in jail. A hearing on the matter is scheduled for Jan. 16.

Man tries to smuggle cocaine OUT of prison
An inmate's planned release from the La Crosse County, Wisconsin Jail was stymied Tuesday because a sheriff's investigator claimed he found eight bags of cocaine in the man's rectum.

According to court records, Marcus J. Thomas, 20, of La Crosse was due to be released after he entered pleas in four open cases. He had been in jail since Feb. 7.

Before Thomas was released, however, sheriff's investigator Fritz Leinfelder came looking for drugs.

Leinfelder said he was tipped off that Thomas had eight rocks of cocaine he was trying to smuggle out of the jail.

Thomas, who was charged Wednesday with one count of possession of cocaine with intent to deliver, agreed to let the investigator search him, the complaint said.

Leinfelder said in the complaint that Thomas cooperated fully until he asked Thomas to lower his jail uniform pants.

Thomas refused and Leinfelder was forced to get a judge to give him permission to search the lower half of Thomas' body, according to the complaint.

With a search warrant in hand, Leinfelder continued his search and reported finding drugs.

Thomas told investigators the drugs were not his and he was only told to deliver it to a girl who was outside the county jail, according to the complaint.

Thomas eventually removed eight rocks of cocaine, weighing a total of 4.5 grams, from his body.

During a court hearing Wednesday, La Crosse County Circuit Judge Dennis Montabon ordered Thomas held on $10,000 cash bond and scheduled another court appearance for 1:30 p.m. Friday.

Story courtesy of Dan Springer and theLaCrosse Tribune