When weeding, the best way to make sure you are removing a weed and not a
valuable plant is to pull on it. If it comes out of the ground easily, it is a valuable plant. ~~~~~~~~
The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a
replacement. ~~~~~~~~
Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway. ~~~~~~~~
There are two kinds of pedestrians - the quick and the dead. ~~~~~~~~
Life is sexually transmitted. ~~~~~~~~
An unbreakable toy is useful for breaking other toys. ~~~~~~~~
If quitters never win, and winners never quit, then who is the fool who
said, "Quit while you're ahead?" ~~~~~~~~
Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.~~~~~~~~
The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth. ~~~~~~~
Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an
erection make him a sandwich! ~~~~~~
Get the last word in: Apologize.
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Thoughts for a Friday..... Give a person a fish and you feed them for a
day; teach that person to use the Internet and they won't bother you for
weeks.
~~~~~
Some people are like Slinkies . . . not really good for anything, but you
still can't help but smile when you see one tumble down the
stairs.~~~~~~~
Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of
nothing. ~~~~~~~
Have you not noticed since everyone has a camcorder these days no one
talks about seeing UFOs like they use to.~~~~~
Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.~~~~~~~~
All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to
criticism. ~~~~~
Why does a slight tax increase cost you two hundred dollars and a
substantial tax cut saves you thirty cents? ~~~~~~~
In the 60's people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is
weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.
Politics is supposed to be the second oldest profession. I have come to
realize that it bears a very close resemblance to the first.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a
whole box to start a campfire?
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