Self Esteem

[Stephanie]

I'm glad to hear that you have found corresponding through the internet helpful for you Tom!

[Erica]

We as a society put too much emphasis on those two things, and we overlook what really counts, and that's what's on the inside.

Agreed... too bad when you say "we as a society" it is indeed just that... nearly everyone is a conformist and does not take the time to think about what really matters, at least in my experience (which admittedly is currently high school where such a thought process is to be expected).

In response to the thread topic... I have had plenty of self-esteem issues up until recently. I'm 16 and have never had many friends at all, partially because I can't make them and partially because I don't have a real huge desire to have them anyway (both shyness and lack of desire to socialize). I've never shared many interests with my peers... partying, going to the latest popular movies just for the sake of saying you've seen them and are able to talk about it the next day, etc.... I've just never had any desire to do any of it. And while I can sometimes feel pretty bad after a full day of the crap that goes on at school, I don't really feel that I am a worthless person or anything... just that I am much different than the norm, which will admittedly make life difficult for me at times. Maybe in 5 or 10 years when people have jobs other and stuff to worry about aside from the vicious cycle of popularity and impressing the "in" crowd, life will be a little easier, so I'm by no means about to give up now... as far as I'm concerned, the best is probably yet to come.

In the end, I feel terrible for those who are going through serious issues with self esteem, but I wish they would realize something... what people think does NOT matter, especially considering how youth culture is... and this applies EVEN if 90% or more of people/peers scorn you. Do what you enjoy doing and forget the naysayers... I can understand not wanting to be mocked/picked on, which I hate as well... but when none of that is going on and you're just upset because you aren't popular and don't have a significant other at age 15 or 16, it's just not worth the stress IMO. If you stick with what you like to do and use your own brain when making decisions, you'll probably get far in life and all the things you want now will fall into place soon enough. I can't imagine living every second of my life mindlessly with every thought and emotion influenced by what the clique thinks and says... if you aren't doing that now, be damn glad you're smart enough to not fall into that pit... don't cry over it!

Popularity is more trouble than it's worth in High School. The things that go along with it (Drinking, partying, smoking, drugs among other things I dont't think I should get into, at least not here) are the problem. it's ok to go to a football or baseball game with your friends because thats what you enjoy.

I don't mean this in a bad way (and im not bragging, thats not how i do things), but I do have for you a first hand account of what it's like to be popular in high school and maintain that reputation, I was a very popular girl, but I knew where the line was, whereas some of my friends, (and my then boyfriend - now husband (FLguy) didn't. I attended several underage drinking parties with the person above, but while him and the rest of his friends were busy getting overly drunk and making complete fools of themselvs, I would get a glass of water or some soda or whatever non-Alcoholic beverage was available. I'm still not a drinker, even to this day (for the record I'm 23).

Another thing that I would advise highschool and even middle school girls currently to avoid is cheerleading. That is the worst, most cutthroat group or clique going. If you even show one bit of something thats not widely accepted in popular culture, you will be eaten up. I wasn't a cheerleader back in highschool, but several of my friends were, and trust me, it's not a good thing to get invloved in, at least not at the high school or middle school levels. In college it's somewhat different.

Brett, don't worry about it, you have plenty going for you that you don't need that to get through high school. With your knowledge in meteorology (which is already very evident to me and most others as well) You will surpass anything that they ever could do, present or future.

Mike, the same thing for you as well, you're far too intellegent and talented (both in meteorology and singing) to let someone else's issues and baggage bring you down. Have fun and enjoy life doing what you like to do.

The point I suppose I'm trying to state here is that popularity is not important, and in most cases just more trouble than it's worth. Oh, and thanks everyone for the welcome

[Anonymous]

Popularity is more trouble than it's worth in High School. The things that go along with it (Drinking, partying, smoking, drugs among other things I dont't think I should get into, at least not here) are the problem. it's ok to go to a football or baseball game with your friends because thats what you enjoy.

I don't mean this in a bad way (and im not bragging, thats not how i do things), but I do have for you a first hand account of what it's like to be popular in high school and maintain that reputation, I was a very popular girl, but I knew where the line was, whereas some of my friends, (and my then boyfriend - now husband (FLguy) didn't. I attended several underage drinking parties with the person above, but while him and the rest of his friends were busy getting overly drunk and making complete fools of themselvs, I would get a glass of water or some soda or whatever non-Alcoholic beverage was available. I'm still not a drinker, even to this day (for the record I'm 23).

Another thing that I would advise highschool and even middle school girls currently to avoid is cheerleading. That is the worst, most cutthroat group or clique going. If you even show one bit of something thats not widely accepted in popular culture, you will be eaten up. I wasn't a cheerleader back in highschool, but several of my friends were, and trust me, it's not a good thing to get invloved in, at least not at the high school or middle school levels. In college it's somewhat different.

Brett, don't worry about it, you have plenty going for you that you don't need that to get through high school. With your knowledge in meteorology (which is already very evident to me and most others as well) You will surpass anything that they ever could do, present or future.

Mike, the same thing for you as well, you're far too intellegent and talented (both in meteorology and singing) to let someone else's issues and baggage bring you down. Have fun and enjoy life doing what you like to do.

The point I suppose I'm trying to state here is that popularity is not important, and in most cases just more trouble than it's worth. Oh, and thanks everyone for the welcome

Great post, thanks for the kind words. BTW, I did not mean to imply that everyone who is popular in high school is a "moron" -- IF you have the personality/looks/etc. to become popular but still choose to do the "right" thing, think for yourself about what you want to do/wear/say, etc., then that's all the better. However, I must say I have never seen such a person, at least at my school.

[Erica]

But most are Brett. Their stuck on themselvs, or what they think they have over the other person (which in most cases they really don't anyway)

[therock1811]

Ok...time for a current HS senior to chime in here...

One, I think that anyone who abuses drugs and alcohol likely has low self-esteem. Two, most of the people in the after school activities aren't really there because they enjoy the activity. Fact is, they are simply there to impress that guy or girl. I don't mean to say that you shouldn't do these activities. Hey, if you enjoy them, more power to ya. But impressing some guy/girl? That's 1) the wrong way to do it and 2) not going to always work. I don't have a girlfriend, but do you think I obsess about it?? NO...I don't, but someday I know it might be in God's plan for me, if it's not, then it's not, no biggie. It is not going to kill you if you aren't popular! Remember that.

[streetsoldier]

"Self-esteem"...hmmm...I guess that term will have to go into my "unknown" file, along with words like "fun, relax, vacation, nurturing", etc.

[OtherHD]

Middle school was no doubt the period in my life where I had the lowest self-esteem. I was hugely unpopular, I always sat alone at lunch, I even got beaten up in 7th grade for no reason. I lived in fear of the person who beat me up for the rest of my time in MS. But once I got to high school, something clicked. I was very shy in MS and I guess I overcame that come 9th grade. I don't know why. My self esteem also went up in high school, and it has stayed high ever since, even with all the personal issues going on in my life. I guess in high school (at least mine), there are far more groups to which you can belong to. In middle school there were 3 groups: Two were popular groups, which remained totally independent of each other, and then there was the unpopular group. In high school, there are dozens of groups that you can identify with. You have the jocks, the AP crowd (which I'm in), the Goths, the agriculture group, the hispanics, the African-Americans, the surfer-punks, and these groups overlap with each other. There only very few people that I'm aware of that don't fall into any group. Groups at my high school are divided by interests, rather than looks and money. Although I will admit that race still plays a big role in who belongs in which group.

[GulfBreezer]

I am so incredibly impressed with the out-pouring of honesty in this thread! What a wonderful learning experience for many of us! I have to say that what Jeremy said about drugs and alcohol use being a sign of low self esteem is so true. In HS, that was how I became "popular", don't get me wrong, some of the friends I made during that time are my life long friends and we all got through some very rough times together. It seemed that drugs and alcohol allowed me to be anything or anyone I wanted to be, anyone other than myself that is. Self esteem is a problem that many people have and don't even know it. It wasn't until I was 35 years old that I realized that I had low self esteem. I always thought that I felt pretty good about myself, but I found out that I was using everything "outside" myself to define who and what I was. When I was 30 years old, my father committed suicide and all of mylife I had heard friends and family say "you are just like your father", now they didn't mean it as an insult but after his death, I knew they were right in more ways than one. It wasn't until I had a very spitirual revelation that I understood that I had the power to change. I had some choices to make and they were very difficult. Here is what I learned;

God does NOT make mistakes and HE made me.

I have God-given gifts, but it is completely up to me to use them for a good purpose.

What other people do and say has no effect on me unless I CHOOSE to let it.

Life is about choices and I am responsible for mine.

Life is only my perceptions of it, how I view situations is also MY choice, not society's.

Things that I do and say daily have an affect on someone, it is up to me to make sure that I have a positive impact on others.

We have so much God-given power within ourselves that we will never really understand the depth of that power, but it is our responsibilty to try.

Thanks for all the wonderful input and thanks for giving me the chance to share my feelings. Steve, you are a wonderful man with great wisdom!

Sandi

[Stephanie]

In HS, that was how I became "popular", don't get me wrong, some of the friends I made during that time are my life long friends and we all got through some very rough times together. It seemed that drugs and alcohol allowed me to be anything or anyone I wanted to be, anyone other than myself that is. Self esteem is a problem that many people have and don't even know it.

That's basically how it was for me Gulf. What I ended up realizing too is that with alot of friends that I "partied with" during HS, I really did not have anything else in common with them.

[Skywatch_NC]

Eric,
I wanted to tell you that I've noticed a great improvement in you, on your communications on the boards over the years. You're taking control of your Asperger's Syndrome and not letting it hold you back, and it shows. I just wanted to let you know that I've noticed and I think it's wonderful! You're a fine example for the others.

Shannon

Thank you very much for the kind words, Shannon! It's been a pleasure knowing you since our days at the former TWC chat room, Sis!

Eric

[ColdFront77]

I'm glad to hear that you have found corresponding through the internet helpful for you Tom!

Thank you very much Stephanie, my "twin."

[therock1811]

I have like... no self esteem what so ever. At this point in life... your trying to get through school... you have a boyfriend or girlfriend, all the fun stuff.

I can get through school just fine.. but the frienship portion and fitting in portion of life just doesn't work for me.

I wrote this in an online diary thing.. it describes some of my recent life... some of you may not know the names.. they are just people I talk or did talk to.

Sometimes I wonder why me. Why all the girl problems? What have I done wrong? Is it my looks? My personality? Me all together? Kacey has a girlfriend. Why him? He did so many rude things to me last semester. I get nothing but hurt, and he has someone who he can love, and they love him back. Why me? I have very few friends, maybe because they don't like the way I look. My hair, my height, the people I talk to. Why me? Sure, i'm not like you, but you could still be nice and say hi if I say hi, and not be the one who trips me, or hits me, or steals from me. Why me? What did I do wrong that made me deserve all of this? Why me? I did nothing to Brian, he knew I liked her, but he still danced with her. Why me? If I have done you wrong, please tell me, i'll try to fix it. I just want someone to be there for me, someone to hug, go places with, do all those things couples do.. but no, I can't. All because I don't have the looks of the other dude, or I dress this way, or talk with these people.



Why me?

Those types are NEVER easy to deal with...believe me, I've seen them at my school, just ignore them! They just WANT you to react, so don't!

Also, my parents divorced in 1995... and me and my mom argue atleast once a month, when she is drunk, about my dad... and it doesn't help. Supposivly my dad steals, or did steal, from me. Alot of times my dad will drive after having some, or alot of beer, at night.. which I say a prayer every time I leave.. "please make it safely back.. please." My mom doesn't drive drunk, or at night, unless it's school related, so that I don't have to worry about.

With the diary entry thing I posted above.. it seems that my life, to me, is just unfair. Which I know the saying.., "Life is unfair, get use to it." But.. when I look at some other people... I get alot more crap then everyone else. Like yesterday, a kid just came up and kicked me. What the heck did I do? Sometimes God does stuff for a reason.. but I don't know what I did wrong to deserve this, this tortue, in life. I know alot of you had it hard back when.. war... economy... etc. And i'm not trying to sound "babyish". I just wish some people would actually care to see that people have feelings, and they don't know if they could "break the last straw" of someone.

I agree with those last two points. I should mention as well that the divorce was not your fault...however, maybe you need to put some perspective on things...remember that drinking is likely just your mom's low self-esteem showing itself...try to build your mom up rather than to tear her down...same with your dad...and if you ever need to talk IM me, PM me or whatever...I'll be here...

[Guest]

I definitely had self-esteem issues through K-12. Particularly in elementary school, most people would just put me down, TRY to get me in trouble, and try to think the were all big shots.

DUring middle school, things changed... a little. I talked to girls, and had a good network going. This continued into high school; however, I did not go out on one date, and I very seldom hanged out with anyone, other than at school.

Graduation comes and I enroll at the community college; I make some friends, but mainly for the quarter, then they would fade away. Basically, I just never thought I was good enough.

That changed big-time during the late fall 2003. I met this really nice girl named Emily, and went out on my first date. Can you say "self esteem boost"? We have been going out since November 2003, and are beginning to know each other a little bit better. My self-esteem has sure increased since then.

I am not athletic; though I will play a round of golf every once and awhile. I am not very strong or muscular. What counts is what you are on the "inside". When a person cannot get past the way an individual looks like, why would that person want the individual as a friend?

[azskyman]

Sandi...thanks for experessing how your own trials and tribulations helped you discover those wonderful things about your life. All of us need to focus on her words and try to live by them.

[azsnowman]

Like most here, my self esteem was LOW until LATE in life and it was Michelle that brought me from the dumps to where I am now!

Growing up, I had a BAD, BAD speech problem, I stuttered BEYOND comprehension, I absouletly would NOT talk to anyone UNLESS they talked first, I would NEVER start a conversation. It wasn't until I left home (at the age of 16) and joined the Navy and discovered it was living under my fathers thumb that brought the stuttering out. Now, the only time I stutter is when I'm stressed or VERY tired.

Dennis

[weatherluvr]

David, I can relate to what you are going through. I too had social problems in school, in part because of my older sister breaking down my self-esteem at home, which made me an easy target at school. It didn't help matters that I went to one of the worst school systems in the country (Springfield, MA), where most of the teachers didn't really care about the kids, just their paychecks and tenure status. It took me until I was 20 to find a really nice group of people that I was able to be comfortable with. The key was, I learned to not try to go out of my way to impress people-- I just learned to be myself. Once I did that, a lot of new doors opened for me socially.

And as far as the other people that seem to get pleasure from putting you down, don't worry-- what goes around comes around. Maybe not right away, but trust me-- people that feel the need to cause misery on others are going to have lots of problems. Think about that the next time you see them.

[Stephanie]

I'm glad to hear that you have found corresponding through the internet helpful for you Tom!

Thank you very much Stephanie, my "twin."

Any time bro!

[Kelly]

We as a society put too much emphasis on those two things, and we overlook what really counts, and that's what's on the inside.

Agreed... too bad when you say "we as a society" it is indeed just that... nearly everyone is a conformist and does not take the time to think about what really matters, at least in my experience (which admittedly is currently high school where such a thought process is to be expected).

In response to the thread topic... I have had plenty of self-esteem issues up until recently. I'm 16 and have never had many friends at all, partially because I can't make them and partially because I don't have a real huge desire to have them anyway (both shyness and lack of desire to socialize). I've never shared many interests with my peers... partying, going to the latest popular movies just for the sake of saying you've seen them and are able to talk about it the next day, etc.... I've just never had any desire to do any of it. And while I can sometimes feel pretty bad after a full day of the crap that goes on at school, I don't really feel that I am a worthless person or anything... just that I am much different than the norm, which will admittedly make life difficult for me at times. Maybe in 5 or 10 years when people have jobs other and stuff to worry about aside from the vicious cycle of popularity and impressing the "in" crowd, life will be a little easier, so I'm by no means about to give up now... as far as I'm concerned, the best is probably yet to come.

In the end, I feel terrible for those who are going through serious issues with self esteem, but I wish they would realize something... what people think does NOT matter, especially considering how youth culture is... and this applies EVEN if 90% or more of people/peers scorn you. Do what you enjoy doing and forget the naysayers... I can understand not wanting to be mocked/picked on, which I hate as well... but when none of that is going on and you're just upset because you aren't popular and don't have a significant other at age 15 or 16, it's just not worth the stress IMO. If you stick with what you like to do and use your own brain when making decisions, you'll probably get far in life and all the things you want now will fall into place soon enough. I can't imagine living every second of my life mindlessly with every thought and emotion influenced by what the clique thinks and says... if you aren't doing that now, be damn glad you're smart enough to not fall into that pit... don't cry over it!

Popularity is more trouble than it's worth in High School. The things that go along with it (Drinking, partying, smoking, drugs among other things I dont't think I should get into, at least not here) are the problem. it's ok to go to a football or baseball game with your friends because thats what you enjoy.

I don't mean this in a bad way (and im not bragging, thats not how i do things), but I do have for you a first hand account of what it's like to be popular in high school and maintain that reputation, I was a very popular girl, but I knew where the line was, whereas some of my friends, (and my then boyfriend - now husband (FLguy) didn't. I attended several underage drinking parties with the person above, but while him and the rest of his friends were busy getting overly drunk and making complete fools of themselvs, I would get a glass of water or some soda or whatever non-Alcoholic beverage was available. I'm still not a drinker, even to this day (for the record I'm 23).

Another thing that I would advise highschool and even middle school girls currently to avoid is cheerleading. That is the worst, most cutthroat group or clique going. If you even show one bit of something thats not widely accepted in popular culture, you will be eaten up. I wasn't a cheerleader back in highschool, but several of my friends were, and trust me, it's not a good thing to get invloved in, at least not at the high school or middle school levels. In college it's somewhat different.

Brett, don't worry about it, you have plenty going for you that you don't need that to get through high school. With your knowledge in meteorology (which is already very evident to me and most others as well) You will surpass anything that they ever could do, present or future.

Mike, the same thing for you as well, you're far too intellegent and talented (both in meteorology and singing) to let someone else's issues and baggage bring you down. Have fun and enjoy life doing what you like to do.

The point I suppose I'm trying to state here is that popularity is not important, and in most cases just more trouble than it's worth. Oh, and thanks everyone for the welcome

Ok, I take offense to that, lol. I'm a cheerleader but I don't act like that all the time or that bad, at least I don't think I do, oh no, please don't tell me Erica that I really act like that.

I'm also pretty popular, but i like cheerleading because it's fun, not to attain a specific social status, so girls, if you want to get involved in that, make sure you do it becasue you think it's fun, if your doing it for social status, it won't be.

I also think it's more important what's on the inside than the outside, but I'm not going to lie, looks do matter a little bit to me, but they aren't everything. Above all I like a guy with intellegence, has gotta love meteorology, athletic and likes similar music. thats all. But girls who act like that all the time are disgusting.

[azskyman]

One of the components of self-esteem is how we deal with stereotypes. For example, there is a certain stereotype we have about athletes. We have stereotypes for weather enthusiasts. And yest we have stereotypes for cheerleaders.

Truth is there are a wide range of personalities and types of people within those descriptions. So Kelly, when someone talks about cheerleaders in a certain way...they often talk about them in the context of that stereotype.

Your suggestion that girls should be cheerleaders because its fun rather than to be part of a social clique is a mature and respectable one. And the right one, too.

We all need to be willing to reach out and try to do, and try to be, what we want to be. When we recognize our strengths and push ourselves to improve as people, we will gain more confidence in who we are....and our self-esteem will grow along the way.

Thanks.

[Miss Mary]

Ditto on the Cheerleading thing. I have a niece - blond hair, blue eyes, model-quality beauty, that cheerleader 'look' - that was a Cheerleader for 2 years in HS. Her mom later said the Cheerleader Mom's were the catiest group of women she had ever encountered. And it was a cut-throat activity. Lauren's HS C. squad, where my daughter Nina goes to HS too, competed also. So that entailed a lot more competition that they expected. Stiff competition, within the squad, and with other HS teams. Lauren was so glad to be out of it later.

I compared their horror stories to Dance Team with my daughter Nina. These dance studio's start the kids out quite young. Ages 5 and up. Take a simple dance class this year, it's just 1 hour the dance teachers say. Then before you know it, your daughter wants 2 dance classes a week. And to try out for the studio's Comp. Team! Yes Nina made it and she was thrilled. However it nearly became her whole life. This was during her middle school years and I could glimpse what it would be like during HS - no time for clubs, meetings, proms (yes this studio planned competitions during Prom time), etc. I saw many HS dancers doing homework in a corner, eating their dinner at the studio. Dinner was usually a bag of Dorito's. I didn't like the looks of that at all. Fortunately for Nina, her dad and I were not forced to make the difficult decision to pull her out of that world. She made it herself. We told her academics came first in our family and if her grades slipped below a C, then she was out. She brought home one F and one D on her Interim and that was it. We pulled her completely out of that studio and it was one of the best parental decisions we ever made! Nina was upset at first but within a year she was grateful we put grades first. College is a must and you need good grades to get in. Not 6 years with a Dance Studio!!! I should add she didn't plan on taking Dance in college, it was just a creative outlet for her. She's good at Dance but not going to make a career out of it either. I remember one particular Competition, the costume was this ugly aqua satin type fabric. One of the dance Moms (similar to that Cheerleading Mom group, ugh) came up with the bright idea to put aqua glittery eye shadow on the girls and have it swoop up to a point on the sides of their eyes. It went on wet and then dried. Nina hated it. This whole team looked like hookers! I'm sorry to be so blunt, but OMG, they looked so trashy. We had to stop at a McDonald's for a bathroom break on the way home and the looks we got walking in that place. And rightly so. My husband was shaking his head the entire time - as if to ask why are we doing this again Mary? So as we drive by that studio, Nina and I always shake our heads now - why did I go there again Mom? We wised up. She now takes a simple, very graceful ballet class once a week. At a reputable studio, not caught up with the glitz and glamor the other studio had.

Remember this lesson well to our Storm2K pre-teens and teens - Academics really are very important! Extracurricular activities should compliment your core subjects, not interfere with them.

Mary