Teens spread 'hate' in cyberspace

[TexasStooge]

Associated Press

It's a simple question: "Who do you hate?"

But posted in January by a 17-year-old Smithtown High School student from Nesconset on a Web site called MySpace.com - a popular cyber hangout swamped by teenagers - the question dangles out there like a virtual pinata.

"I want everyone to take a moment and really think about who you hate in our school," he writes, "then choose the one that you have the most disdain for and write it here for all to see. this may cause violance ... agression, and death. but iam willing to look past that for the better of the cause. so lets here it."

A pummeling of messages follow, one verbal swing after another.

The responses stretch for the next eight months over 16 pages, and number 240. They name everyone from a boy that "sucks at life" to "that stupid blind girl." One 16-year-old girl writes that she wants to stab a boy named "alex something ... in the eye with a really hot french fry."

Welcome to the world of cyberbullying, a new age form of aggression that can instantly erupt with a few keystrokes. At least one expert describes such virtual smearing as a suburban phenomenon because so many adolescents have their own computers and unsupervised time to use them - making Long Island the perfect environment for it.

The alarms triggered by cyberbullying have begun to sound at schools in Nassau and Suffolk counties, raising concerns and prompting a conference on the subject later this month at Stony Brook University.

Long Island "fits the typical profile: upper-middle class, suburban kids with lots of technology, too much time on their hands and not enough parental supervision," said Parry Aftab, whose New Jersey-based group WiredSafety.org combats cyberbullying across the world.

If she had to pick only three places to concentrate her efforts, she said Westchester and Bergen counties would trail Long Island. "You'd keep me busy enough," Aftab said.

Aftab will be the keynote speaker for the "Cyberbullying Summit" at Stony Brook Sept. 28.

"It's a very timely subject," said Betty Kauffman, who organized the event for SCOPE, a not-for-profit that provides educational services to school districts. "I knew teasing and bullying was a big issue in the schools anyway and the Internet is just another avenue."

The 500-plus seats were reserved within days of the event being announced, Kauffman said.

In many ways, experts said, users like the 17-year old Smithtown High student are typical of the phenomenon. The teenager only identified himself with a Web name and did not respond to requests by a Newsday reporter to be interviewed for this story.

At a time when many teenagers are creating their own blogs - Internet diaries splashed with everything from their zodiac signs to pictures of their friends - it was to be expected that cyber conflicts would quickly follow.

The practice is as easy as typing "hot or not" and inviting people to rate the photographs of others. Sometimes the raters are kind, other times brutal, saying, in some cases, that they'd rather cut off certain body parts than touch that person.

Eighteen-year-old Ashley Levin, of Merrick, put her prom picture out there to be rated. She scored a 5.9 out of 10 - a score that didn't seem to bother her.

"I think that the problem with teenagers today is that they care," Levin said. She said they care what others think about them, and they, in turn, give too much thought to what others have or don't have. "Everything has to do with looks and what you wear and what you drive," she added.

In January, Levin said MySpace.com started really taking off at her former school, Calhoun High, with anybody who was anybody creating a blog. She logged on in March.

Spreading 'hate'

"You go everywhere and it's 'Do you have MySpace?'" she said. Once on it, she added, girls tend to be more vicious than guys.

"I'm a vicious girl, I know," Levin said. "I'll tell you how it is, like it or not. Then there are other girls who are vicious because they will talk about you behind your back. They will put things on MySpace that you wouldn't want people to know.

"What has happened to my friends is they get messages or comments that show up from people they used to be friends with, saying, 'What a slut, what a mean lady,' vicious stuff."

On the "Who do you hate?" string that started in January and lasted all through the summer, girls and guys from the Smithtown area responded with equal vigor. Few were safe from insult: not a despised teacher, the lunch lady, or a boy that most on the virtual message board agreed they hated.

Newsday is not naming the boy because he is a minor. The responses from his classmates dredged up incidents all the way back to the second grade.

A St. James girl wrote, "he'd stroll into class and act like he was too good for the class and everyone in it -- too bad I'm not a guy...i'd beat the -- -- out of him."

A 17-year-old boy wrote: "I just had a stroke of genius...we pick a day and we all comment in his profile and tell him how much we hate him, since we all obviously do."

Teens not only target

Those messages may have started in Smithtown, but a simple search shows that cyberbullying delivers blows across Long Island and spans the age spectrum from middle school to college-age students. Typically, a reading of these blogs shows, girls are portrayed as promiscuous and guys as homosexuals. One site talks about how freshman girls at one particular Long Island school have sexually transmitted diseases.

At Cleary School for the Deaf, in East Islip, Internet bashing has become a concern because of the high-tech way students communicate. At least half the students there have a Sidekick, a pocket-sized computer complete with e-mail, the Internet and a camera.

"It's their cell phone," school official Richard Stelle said. "As a result, all of the good as well as negative behaviors we see [in the hearing community] is coming out through this medium."

Even he was a target.

A student took a photo of him and superimposed animal body parts on it before posting it on a Web site called Ringo.

"They meant it as a joke," Stelle said. The school administration saw it otherwise.

Stelle said he tried to use his response to model the way he would like students to react when targeted. No punitive action was taken. Instead, Stelle said he met with the student and the student's parents.

"They're teenagers. They're learning," he said. "They learned that they hurt somebody."

His school is sending three eighth graders, two parents and a staff member to the Stony Brook summit. Island Trees Middle School in Levittown is sending 42 people - 30 students and 12 adults. One goal, school officials said, is to encourage students to defend others.

"If they can't speak up at this age, how can they speak up later?" asked Island Trees Middle School Assistant Principal Cathy Potorski, who is all too familiar with cyberbullying among students.

Parents have come to the school, she said, holding printouts of their children's cyber conversations, saying, "What are you going to do about this? This child is threatening my child."

"It's so anonymous, it's hard to know sometimes who was perpetrating the meanness," Potorski said. "School is nothing but a small microcosm of society. When they watch 'Survivor' and someone gets voted off the island, it's just a matter of time before someone gets voted off the lunch table."

She said she believes the majority of students are afraid to speak up on these sites because they fear they might become the next victim. If MySpace is any indication, she's right. MySpace executives have been working with Aftab to curb cyberbullying, and limit the age of users to 14 and over, but youths have found a way around such efforts."Treat others with respect, and expect the same from them. Don't be obnoxious. Online arguments are known as 'flaming.' Do not go there," read the safety guidelines on MySpace, adding that harassment is grounds for revoking a person's service. "Bad things you say and do online can come back and bite you."

On the "Who do you hate?" string, several students bashed the animosity behind the message board, only to be attacked themselves.

When a teenager named "Gregg" wrote, "it is really sad that you this stuff," he's called a "fat " in turn by a 17-year-old St. James boy.

One 18-year-old wrote "... you've got to know you've seen some unwarranted hazing and people getting tortured just for being geeky and shy and not being like everyone else." He continues, "What is the point of this malignant behavior?"

His comment is followed by justifications like "it's kids being honest" or "it's funny." He's told he can go elsewhere if he doesn't like it.

The 17-year-old Nesconset boy who started it all by posing the question stands his ground. In his blog, he describes himself as 5-foot-11, athletic, a "creep" by occupation. Someday, he writes, he wants children.

In all capital letters, he types that he is proud of the response the site is getting: "Every one needs a place to vent, and this is it. Or you could have other forums of therapy like shooting up the school, personally this one works better and a lot less to clean up.

"Hahaha keep up the hate."

[kevin]

Stupid little punks.

[chicagopizza]

That is my biggest pet peeve - bullies. I honestly believe that classes in civility and compassion should be mandatory in the school curriculum from a very young age. The sad thing is that some bullies never grow out of it and these kids will think this behavior is acceptable as adults.

I recently had an adult tell me that she can say whatever she wants even if it hurts people because it is how she feels. She says that, as a Christian, she's obligated to tell the truth and that is what she does. She claims it is the people who have issues with what she says that have the problem. Her reasoning is that they are just too sensitive and narrow minded to see someone else's point of view. She also feeels they are trying to deny her freedom of speech.

I can picture these cyber bullys' future being similar to hers if there are no consequences for their actions.

[Miss Mary]

chicagopizza - oh there are bullies in the adult world, aren't there? They come in all shapes, sizes, mild, extreme, etc. When we moved to our street, we were the second family moving into brand new homes when a small group became very tight. Wives, husbands, kids. Socializing each weekend, in summer several nights a week. They were not from Cincinnati, so their neighbors became their family. We were pulled into this group but we are from Cincinnati! We have lots of family and friends we see, quite often. That was my excuse - oh we're busy next weekend. But truth be told - one wife was catty. She never grew out of her cliquey, gossipy ways. And I never played into that mindset, even in HS. I wasn't about to start now. So I guess I should have been honest - you are two faced, don't want to hang out with you.....according to this adult you've mentioned. Naw, sometimes you do have to sugarcoat the truth.

This topic reminds me of when my oldest was in 6th Grade. She had the misfortune of having a very nasty group of girls in her class, who bullied many others, including my daughter (over her food allergy and that she wore glasses when younger). I heard the queen bee and her cohort got into major trouble one day. They created a Slam Notebook. At the top of each page was one child's name. When the book was suddenly passed to you, when the teacher had their back turned, you were meant to write something negative about that person. Somehow a teacher found out, confiscated the notebook and both girls were hauled into the principal's office. At dinner that evening, Nina sighed and said you know I KNOW I had a page in that book. We tried to make her feel better. Today she says their ill treatment of her is what made her who she is - she's stronger b/c of it, would never make fun of someone else and notices when someone feels left out, inviting them along, to sit with her and friends, etc. Take that you nasty group of girls (who BTW made a name for themselves all the way thru graduation). At dinner that night we discussed this terrible idea of bullying and we asked Laura what she would do if she were handed that notebook. After a long pause, she said I'd hand it to my teacher. Then....wait, no, I'd write something nice about each person in that book! But of course we said well if this ever really happens, turn it in. We'll back you up.

Bullies do make us stronger. But the steps along the way are not fun (having been the subject of a similar catty group of so called friends in 7th grade). I survived. Wasn't easy but somehow I did.

Mary

[chicagopizza]

Mary,

First, it sounds like you have really raised your kids well! They have such great attitudes about that topic. It is obvious that you lead by example, ie: the catty woman, and that is the best way to get a point across.

[Skywatch_NC]

Just going to K for me at times was Hades...once an older boy (higher grade) at an elementary school...Mary, you may have heard of Pleasant Hills Elementary there in the North College Hill/Finneytown area...not too far from where you grew up in Mt. Healthy...anyway, this boy picked me up from under my arm pits...I was just minding my own business...he then violently dropped/threw me down causing me to scrape up my elbows and did that repeatedly...I told my parents and we had a talk with school staff!!
Another time a patrol crossing guy grabbed me in the hallway and pushed me into a girls locker room...this was while I was in K, too...and even though with all my might I tried to get the door facing the hallway open...the patrol boy being older and stronger forced the door to stay shut...meanwhile I was in ...soon I managed to and was able get out of there...only after he backed off!!

Eric

[chicagopizza]

There are a lot of jerks out there, I guess. I hope they grew out of it, but how horrible that you and all those who get bullied had to go through that. My bully in grade school kept threatening to come into my house and shave my head while I was sleeping-I had long hair in grade school. Gosh, I wonder what she is doing now? I'm just glad she is out of my life, but it would be funny if she ended up as a hair stylist!

[Miss Mary]

Eric - that's just awful. Your parents sound wonderful, intervening like that. I do remember that school name. Sounds like a very rough place, I'm sorry to say. But you survived and look how well you turned out. Makes ya wonder where those jerks are today in life - probably in trouble or jail, or worse.

Chicagopizza (Ellen, correct?) - I don't know if I'd trust her with a pair of scissors.....LOL Not that we know she became a hairdresser.....

Bullies/Schmullies.....makes ya just wish the world was nice!

I forgot about another bully....tangled up in that 7th Grade group of girls. This group would go to the Mall, call me and say how much fun they were having. I'd hang up, my heart broken. My mom would usually get hysterical....but my dad that day just said - they don't sound like friends to me Mary. That's all it took. I eventually found another group of friends. But one girl in this group lived several houses a way, her name was Mary also (who wasn't back then?!). She threatened to beat me up everyday after school. So I hurried out a different door, took a completely different way home, had my key in my hand and literally ran up to my front door everyday, out of breath. She was also smaller than me but mean, mean. Ended up getting into drugs, drinking, pregnant in HS....that's another story. A few years later before she dropped out, she laughed - why did I want to beat you up again? Oh for the fun of it I wanted to say - yeah, that was a fun time, let's do it again - NOT! Oh yeah, she never laid a finger on me.....turned on someone else I think. Poor kid.

Mary

[streetsoldier]

As someone who suffered bullies, assaults for no dsicernable reason, etc...both at home and in school...I determined to myself that I would NEVER visit upon others what was done to me.

Rather, I eventually became a policeman...SOMEONE has to take a stand between predators and their prey.

As for pushing my weight around, ask my son Coppertop, or any of my four stepchildren, or Debi...it didn't happen. Ever.

Only those from "outside", i.e. criminals, willl feel my wrath...but only as long as NECESSARY to disable them or put them to flight. Afterwards, they are within the province of today's law enforcement system to deal with.

As to the topic in question, "cyberhate"? I see this as the actions of COWARDS, who would never get up the chutzpah to confront those kids in person. Ah, the marvels of the Internet...anonymity abounding, one can say almost anything...and often they DO.

[Miss Mary]

Bill - so in other words, kill them with justice? That's a good position to take. I went with kill them with kindness......I never wanted to retaliate either. Why sink to their level? That basically says you're no better. And I wanted to rise above behavior like that.

Good for you though.....

Mary

[LAwxrgal]

As a former victim of childhood and adolescent bullies, I can sort of relate to some of your stories. I moved here (Reserve, LA) from a town in northern Louisiana, and was teased mercilessly because I neither talked nor dressed like everyone else. Add to the equation that I made good grades, and you get the picture. School was not easy for me.

This new "cyberbullying" is but an evolution. A lot of kids are technologically savvy these days. When I went to school, passing notes was jotting down stuff on a sheet of paper from our notebooks. Today passing notes is text-messaging between cell phones. That's just an idea of how our society has changed but also remained the same.

[texasweatherwatcher]

I'm currently in the eighth grade, and I have to deal with bullies everyday. Usually I'm teased because: I am very quiet and don't like to talk, the fact that I'm a weather enthusiast , I have no friends, or because I like to comply with school rules.

I wonder if I have derogatory comments about me floating around the Internet.

[kevin]

I'm currently in the eighth grade, and I have to deal with bullies everyday. Usually I'm teased because: I am very quiet and don't like to talk, the fact that I'm a weather enthusiast , I have no friends, or because I like to comply with school rules.

I wonder if I have derogatory comments about me floating around the Internet.

I wouldn't worry much about that. If you learn and stick to your instincts, one day they'll be looking for employment from you, and you can most definetely turn them down. Read, observe, build yourself up.

Punks like bullies never get anywhere in life except through force, and here in the democratic world that is not very far.

[george_r_1961]

chicagopizza - oh there are bullies in the adult world, aren't there? They come in all shapes, sizes, mild, extreme, etc. When we moved to our street, we were the second family moving into brand new homes when a small group became very tight. Wives, husbands, kids. Socializing each weekend, in summer several nights a week. They were not from Cincinnati, so their neighbors became their family. We were pulled into this group but we are from Cincinnati! We have lots of family and friends we see, quite often. That was my excuse - oh we're busy next weekend. But truth be told - one wife was catty. She never grew out of her cliquey, gossipy ways. And I never played into that mindset, even in HS. I wasn't about to start now. So I guess I should have been honest - you are two faced, don't want to hang out with you.....according to this adult you've mentioned. Naw, sometimes you do have to sugarcoat the truth.

This topic reminds me of when my oldest was in 6th Grade. She had the misfortune of having a very nasty group of girls in her class, who bullied many others, including my daughter (over her food allergy and that she wore glasses when younger). I heard the queen bee and her cohort got into major trouble one day. They created a Slam Notebook. At the top of each page was one child's name. When the book was suddenly passed to you, when the teacher had their back turned, you were meant to write something negative about that person. Somehow a teacher found out, confiscated the notebook and both girls were hauled into the principal's office. At dinner that evening, Nina sighed and said you know I KNOW I had a page in that book. We tried to make her feel better. Today she says their ill treatment of her is what made her who she is - she's stronger b/c of it, would never make fun of someone else and notices when someone feels left out, inviting them along, to sit with her and friends, etc. Take that you nasty group of girls (who BTW made a name for themselves all the way thru graduation). At dinner that night we discussed this terrible idea of bullying and we asked Laura what she would do if she were handed that notebook. After a long pause, she said I'd hand it to my teacher. Then....wait, no, I'd write something nice about each person in that book! But of course we said well if this ever really happens, turn it in. We'll back you up.

Bullies do make us stronger. But the steps along the way are not fun (having been the subject of a similar catty group of so called friends in 7th grade). I survived. Wasn't easy but somehow I did.

Mary

I was the target of bullies much of my younger years. I was small, clumsy and not part of any of the many social cliiques. Eventually I realized I had no choice but to stand up for myself. Being the target of bullies made me a better person in the long run I believe. I still mostly keep to myself (by choice) but I do have a few close friends who accept me for what I am...an outspoken sometimes stubborn middle aged male

[TexasStooge]

In my Elementary and Jr. High/Middle School years, I was picked on by bullies because I'm one of the smartest.

[chicagopizza]

Bullies make you appreciate the nicer people all the more. I've found that they are a true test of patience too!! They really know how to lead by example, but just not in the traditional way.

Mary, good one about the scissors and yes, you got my name right. Most people call me Elle for short. Just glad you are not a bully because who knows what name you'd have given me! hahaha Anyhow,

[Miss Mary]

Bullies make you appreciate the nicer people all the more. I've found that they are a true test of patience too!! They really know how to lead by example, but just not in the traditional way.

Mary, good one about the scissors and yes, you got my name right. Most people call me Elle for short. Just glad you are not a bully because who knows what name you'd have given me! hahaha Anyhow,

Naw....it would have been nice, something to do with wx probably. And pizza.....mmm, how could the two go together......LOL

Okay, Elle it is.

Bullies do make us stronger, if things turn out in a positive way. Sadly, some children resort to bullying, just to survive. I've never encouraged that nor did I perpetuate it in school myself. It still surprises me when I see mild forms of former bullying rear its ugly head, in the adult world today. I usually just look at that person differently from then on and ponder what made them this way. And stay far away!

Mary

[JQ Public]

Heck I think its a good thing. Although I would rather let them tell me to my face if they hate me.

[therock1811]

I was targeted in my 2nd-4th grade years by a group that we in my family dubbed "the Mean Boys". They lived in our trailer park and once sicced a dog on me as I was climbing a hill near some woods behind our house. In my 5th grade year we moved to where we live today, and that was the end.

Once someone in my 8th grade math class insulted my brother Mark, and that's a line you DON'T cross with me...he got suspended after that.

As for me being a bully? No...I use force to protect myself, and if it comes down to it, my family, but that's it.